Let me first announce that the only reason I even looked at this game was because two of my friends kept posting about it on Twitter, and I was so amused by the things they were saying that I had to pick it up. Then I lucked out with a 3 for 2 sale at GameStop, so I chose that one as my freebie. The best time to try new things is when they’re free.
Secondly, I feel I have to note that I have no problem whatsoever with large breasted, scantily clad women in video games. I do not feel it demeans women, I don’t think it’s an insult to them, I don’t feel like it needs to be stopped, it just doesn’t bother me. I think a few people might have mistaken what I was saying for this issue when I was talking about it as I was playing it. No, that is not my issue. Nor do I take issue with the fact that this is the creator’s idea of a perfect woman. Whatever. At least he’s honest.
The game was fun. I’m not going to deny that. I enjoyed playing it and got through it pretty quickly. Maybe it just felt that way because I’d just sunk so much time into Dragon Age II and Fallout 3 before that. The controls were easy to figure out, the special moves were easy to execute. Plus, the bad guys are the angels (good guys), I was into that a lot. The only time I got frustrated or bored was when you have to ride the motorcycle over the seemingly endless highway.
Okay, so the fact that the guy doesn’t seem to know what the word “epilogue” means, and the endless pole dance dance party at the end also bugged me, but only while they were happening.
I’ve stated that I have no problem with Bayonetta being this guy’s perfect woman. It’s a half truth. The way she looks? Okay. But… from what I’ve taken from the game is that this guy wants a busty woman with glasses who dances like a cracked out newbie stripper from the 70′s and wears her OWN FUCKING HAIR AS CLOTHING.
Pick up on the weird part, did you?
Let’s strip this down to the basics, shall we? Guns on her shoes? Cool, I can dig that, I might even wear a pair if I could get my hands on them. The way she stands might be physically painful for any human woman, but since Bayonetta is a witch, she clearly uses magic to keep her spine from snapping. She could use a few lessons in how to shake her booty in a sensual way, but the comedy of it was sort of great. She obviously has an oral fixation, and probably a few cavities. Bayonetta is also so over sexualized that she probably orgasms when she walks, taking down everyone in a 5 mile radius with her moans.
Subtracting everything mentioned here, there’s one thing that sticks out and I really cannot get my head around.
Why. WHY? Why have her wear her own hair? To have those mostly naked cut scenes? There had to be a better way. I refuse to believe that this guy lays awake at night, fantasizing about a girl wearing her own hair instead of regular clothing. There’s a lot of weird shit out there in the world, and I just won’t stand for this one.
Bravo, Creator Guy, for knowing what your ultimate female would look like and getting to make a whole game revolving around her. But please, let’s not ramp up our next wardrobe choice to gluing chickens over naughty bits. I just… can’t.