The Cabin In The Woods – Watched!

I had a lot of fun with this movie. A lot. A LOT. I mean, I knew going in that it would be along my lines of enjoyment, you don’t have that many people telling you to watch it only to come out on the other side with disappointment. You just don’t.

Tweeting while watching was interesting. I think it would have been easier to do if I’d been on a computer instead of my phone, but it was fun to put my thoughts out there and fun to get the reactions back. I even convinced one or two people to check the movie out just from what they were seeing. One without even knowing what the movie was.

I can’t really describe things any better than how things went down on Twitter, so I’m just going to post the tweets from that night and let them do all the talking. Before you ask, yes, there was actually a point where I was near tears from sheer joy.

06:49 pm Okay, here are a few things about my upcoming adventure. Just some heads ups.
10
06:50 pm There might be spoilers, I’ve never seen this movie before, but I feel pretty alone in that. So
I’m just going to say whatever.
06:52 pm I’m not going to hashtag anything. I hate them, and I want that room for my reactions.
Assume it’s about the movie unless I say otherwise.
06:53 pm I’ll try to keep up with replies to people, but I’m on a phone, so it’ll be slow.
06:56 pm Codine, water, chips, jerky, it’s movie time.
06:58 pm I <3 you, lionsgate
06:58 pm Ooh. Fantastic opening.
06:59 pm Babies will never be safe in my house.
06:59 pm Oh hi, Amy Acker
07:00 pm Ahaha! Haha. Drive away while talking to her. That rocks.
07:01 pm Professor Fuckwad!
07:02 pm HEY. Some of us like textbooks.
07:04 pm Nice old pot commercial reference.
07:04 pm "And you have no pants"
07:04 pm Is that a travel mug bong?
07:04 pm Holy crap, it is.
07:05 pm It's telescoping!
07:06 pm This is, like, the perfect horror movie setup.
07:07 pm I like the redhead, so that means she's going to die.
07:08 pm Haha. Barter gas.
07:09 pm Hey kids, you have to go inside and pay, so they can turn the pump on.
07:10 pm There's only one "The War".
07:10 pm That's a good way to die, kids.
07:12 pm Wtf did that bird just fly into? Holy shit.
07:13 pm I'll never understand why people jump at taxidermy.
07:13 pm Mila wants that painting.
07:14 pm Because a two way mirror isn't creepy
07:15 pm I'm really impressed that this guy was so nice about not letting her undress while she didn't
know.
07:16 pm I can't even say for sure I wouldn't have watched at least the shirt come off.
07:17 pm These people are pansies. That painting rocks.
07:18 pm Okay… this is intriguing.
07:19 pm Somebody takes his job too seriously.
07:19 pm Heehee. Hee. Speakerphone.
07:21 pm I kind of want this job, whatever it is.
07:22 pm I'm already fond of this movie.
07:23 pm Marty is too high to identify animals.
07:24 pm Oh, I like that she didn't just walk up and kiss the wolf.
07:25 pm Hello beastiality.
07:26 pm Wind doesn't work like that…
07:27 pm Either the stoner is going to die fast, or somehow survive. I like him, so I have hope, but I
think I know better.
07:28 pm Oh, somebody die in the wedding dress! Pleasepleaseplease!
07:29 pm I dare you to all pull your heads out of your asses and go the hell home.
07:30 pm Dear all my friends: a husband's bulge is the new term forever.
07:32 pm Huh. The old world?
07:34 pm I think stripper dancing counts toward slut. Blonde goes first.
07:35 pm Celebutard. Oh, I heart you new word.
07:36 pm I love Marty to bits. All of him is awesome.
07:37 pm Course, he may be IN bits eventually. And that's a shame.
07:40 pm The guy pacing in the background is creepier than the guys sitting and staring.
07:40 pm And boobs.
07:40 pm And first blood!
07:41 pm Oooh.
07:42 pm Huh. Again.
07:43 pm Pot is the boss of your brain, Marty
07:45 pm I like how I was right about the blonde.
07:46 pm You wanted Jules, stop screaming.
07:47 pm I like how Marty's pot soaked brain knows all.
07:48 pm This movie is like a pro-pot campaign.
07:49 pm Oh Marty. Goodbye, little one.
07:52 pm He's not going to kill us? Really?
07:53 pm Go redhead, go! Stabby!!
07:54 pm stupid kids turning the monster into a frog.
07:57 pm Stupid faulty wiring!
07:58 pm Oh please oh please oh please
07:58 pm I don't know if I want him to jump short or be shot out of the sky more
07:59 pm Oh nice! Sky barrier from earlier!
08:00 pm Redhead gets the idea now!
08:01 pm That was a pretty badass death.
08:01 pm And the redhead is the last alive.
08:02 pm Introspective moment interrupted by tequila. Happens every damn time.
08:03 pm There goes the redhead.
08:03 pm We win!
08:04 pm I love how normal this office party is.
08:05 pm Uh oh. What went wrong?
08:05 pm MARTY!
08:06 pm The stoner survived! Go pot!
08:06 pm I feel like pot makes Marty into a superhero.
08:07 pm "Yeah… I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?"
08:08 pm Hello, elevator.
08:09 pm That would be a werewolf…
08:11 pm Marty and the redhead should kill everyone now.
08:12 pm I know she's named Dana. I just like calling her "the redhead"
08:13 pm I like that they're still being fucked with.
08:14 pm Woo! Unleash the kraken!
08:15 pm Well, everything *but* the kraken, really.
08:16 pm Dude. It's like a horror movie extravaganza….
08:16 pm I'm… I'm so happy right now…
08:17 pm I could cry a little bit. From joy. And glee. And joy.
08:18 pm FUCKING STABBED BY A UNICORN
08:18 pm OH MY FUCKING GOD I'm SO HAPPY
08:19 pm He got to see his merman!
08:21 pm Go stoner and redhead! Go! Kill! Slaugher!
08:21 pm Wait. Is… is that Cthulhu?
08:22 pm I mean, I heard them say the old ones ealier… but I dared not hope
08:25 pm Oh, maybe it was just a carving on the floor…
08:26 pm Hello Ms Weaver
08:26 pm Ancient ones! There it is again.
08:27 pm Shoot him, redhead!
08:28 pm Ohshit
08:28 pm Werewolfus interruptus
08:29 pm Now the whole world dies? Ihopeihopeihope.
08:30 pm More pot!
08:32 pm So touching, the bonding.
08:32 pm Well. That fucking rocked.
08:33 pm And we end with NIN. Approved.
08:34 pm Thank you to everyone for putting up with that. I'm done now. You can stop ignoring
twitter now.
08:39 pm I really need to own that movie.

Doom Plague Movies

I recently got pretty sick. Sick enough that I was incapable of doing anything at all except laying on my couch in complete delirious misery. I wasn’t even able to sleep, it was so bad. This gave me a lot of hours to fill. A lot of hours. Needless to say, perhaps, I cleared out a good number of things from my instant queue, and even hit a few things that were just randomly picked hoping they’d lull me into oblivion.

In total, I hit 20 movies in about 60 hours.

So I thought I’d do a bit of a brief writeup on each, and use a very easy scoring system. + if I liked it, - if I didn’t, \ if I don’t really go either way or maybe go both ways.

Here we go:

-American Loser: I really feel like they used Sean William Scott and Gretchen Mol as magnets for this movie knowing that people would flock to it, and then didn’t bother, you know, writing anything. This was such a boring movie. The idea that a guy is an alcoholic with learning disabilities and is trying to form a relationship with a chick that is just as fucked up as him has potential. It was not met. Or even glanced at.

+Assassination of a High School President: This was a lot better than I expected it to be. There were really interesting layers and the story was pretty intriguing. Bruce Willis’ character was simply amazing, his aversion to gum was well played out (something that I thought was going to be really stupid). It had a kind of noir-ish feel to it, but doesn’t quite dive into the pool. This isn’t a bad thing, even though it sounds like it should be.

+Let Go: Another movie I really thought was going to be blah, but turned out better than hoped. The description that Netflix gives it doesn’t really do it justice, not that I’m surprised by that happening anymore. Everybody they cast did a brilliant job at their parts, though I have to say my favorite was Kevin Hart. I love that guy. I really felt for him through the whole movie. He just kept trying and failing, and it so wasn’t even his fault.

+Safety Not Guaranteed: Granted, this movie has some kind of strange moments in it, and those moments wouldn’t have worked in any other setting, but they did in this one somehow. They only really left one thing untouched that nags at me, and that’s the like “I have only done this once before”. It’s never questioned, never brought up to the guy. Everything else is taken care of. Why not that? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!? I WAS SICK!

+Heavenly Creatures: I’ve known this story for some time. I have a couple of true crime books that talk about it or give the short version. When I found out that a movie had been made, of course I had to see it. I had never previously encountered the journal entries, and the addition of those just made the whole story more … more. It adds a level that you just don’t get when you’re reading the basic facts.

\The Snowtown Murders: So. So, I really liked the information this movie put forth. The facts of what went on. Depicting all the characters really well. It just wasn’t a very exciting movie. At times it was incredibly graphic (a scene where one brother rapes another goes on a lot longer than you’d think), and there was enough to keep my attention, but I think that I would have much rather read about all of it. As detailed as it was, there were some spots that didn’t really touch on things too deeply, and that was weird. I didn’t hate it, but I won’t watch it again.

-Jerk Theory: Fucking suuuuuucked. There was no redeeming moment in this movie at all. Not one. Nothing. The acting was bad, the story was stupid, it was boring, it had obnoxious songs in it. Bad. All bad. No good.

+He Was A Quiet Man: Not really something that I expected to see Christian Slater in. I mean, obviously he is, but the role, the character he plays, isn’t really Slater norm. I think it really shows his diversity as an actor, his amazingness, really. This movie was really touching. There were a lot of unexpected things, too, which I liked. I kind of wonder why I didn’t hear more about this movie, but I kind of don’t. You don’t really know what to expect going in, and there’s no real way to describe it to anybody else that doesn’t make it sound trite or unlike the movie you just watched.

+The Killing Jar: It could be that I just really really love Danny Trejo, Michael Madsen, and Harold Perrineau, but I had a lot of fun with this one. A lot. The plot synopsis makes it sound really boring, but I was not bored for one second.

\Capote: I like things that Capote has written, I just wasn’t really interested in the movie. I can’t exactly say why, either. Maybe just because I was sick and it’s not really a great sick movie? I don’t know. I also didn’t hate it. And Phillip Seymore Hoffman’s portrayal of Capote was glorious. Beautiful. He was stunning in that role. That’s what kept me watching the whole time, honestly.

-HottieBoombaLottie: Just. Shut up. This was a movie I hoped would destroy my brain and let me sleep. Unfortunately, I stayed awake for the whole thing. There were tiny funny moments, and that’s all it’s got going for it. So bad. So very, very bad. I might have actually gotten sicker due to this movie.

+Repeaters: What happens when you Groundhog Day a trio of recovering drug addict kids? Chaos! Wonderful, wonderful chaos. It’s not the most intelligent movie on the planet, and there are some plot holes that never get cleared up (really kind of minor plot, thankfully). Still, it was fun.

\Hick: The actors played their parts well, the concept was interesting, but when it was all said and done, I just wasn’t into the story. It wasn’t bad, it was just blah. Not the best. Also, Netflix should learn how to properly describe things, because this movie is nothing like how it’s written up.

+Nightwatch: There are two movies of this name. One of them is Russian and the other has Ewan McGregor and Josh Brolin. It is very important to make sure that you do not watch one thinking you are watching the other. They are very very different movies with very different plots and you will get VERY confused. That said, this Nightwatch was FANTASTIC. Man, I loved it. I was on the edge of my seat. As much as I could be, since I was laying down curled in a ball. WATCH THIS MOVIE. Goddamn.

\Howl: I am not a fan of the poem, Howl. This movie, however, was pretty well done, and the animation was amazing. Jon Hamm and James Franco nailed their parts. And the story of the trial is pretty interesting, too. They cut out the more boring bits, of course, making it seem less tedious than I’m sure it was. It was entertaining enough to keep a sick girl happy.

-Arthur: I hate Russell Brand. I do. There’s only one thing he’s in that I can think of that I enjoy, and that’s Despicable Me. I’m not sure why they picked him to redo something Dudley Moore did so well, but it was a poor, poor choice. He just didn’t pull it off.

\Project X: I watched this largely because I saw a preview for it with a friend of mine and the dog in the jumping castle was really amusing. I’m ambivalent toward the movie in general, as it had some fun parts, but the concept is not really… anything I’m into. If that many people were anywhere near my house, people would be getting shot. By me.

-Nine Dead: I don’t think I’ve been so disappointed in a movie in a really long time. This one should have been great. Nothing about it was, though. It was flat, it didn’t have suspense, it didn’t have interesting characters, the actors failed at getting anything across (except for the mob guy, he was pretty believable), and I will never – not ever in my life – believe Melissa Joan Hart in a role like that.

+Employee of the Month: This movie really starts out shitty. I gave up on it a couple of times just because the flow was off and the story wasn’t catching me. But I hit a certain point and all of it turned around. From then on, it was good times for everybody. Okay, just for me, since I watched it alone. Blood, laughter, things that were completely unexpected. It’s like the recipe for awesome.

+Killer Elite: Yep. Yes. All the time yes. All the yesses in the whole world. I cannot yes enough. I did go into this thinking that it was all action, which it’s not, but I wasn’t upset at the absence. There were actiony parts that were enough to fill my desires. The rest of it… wow. Wow. And the line “Strawberry or fuck you”? I knew I was in love as soon as it was uttered.

Splatterhouse

You ever have a game that you see on the shelf every time you go into the store and you keep thinking that it might be fun, and it certainly looks (from the cover) like a game that is right up your alley, but you keep not getting it because you haven’t really even heard anything about it and your friends aren’t talking about it?

Splatterhouse was that game for me.

Really, I should have known, just by the title – Splatterhouse – that it was going to be something that was not only fun, but caused within me riots of giggles so intense that I had to pause the game.

But I didn’t trust myself and I didn’t trust my instincts. If I had, perhaps I would have gotten my hands on this game earlier and I could have known the joy long before I did. Obviously it did end up in my collection, and that’s thanks to it dropping in price and getting a coupon from Gamestop for two-for-one, or maybe it was three-for-two, not sure. Doesn’t matter.

The amount of gratuitous violence in this game is glorious beyond succinct description. There’s absolutely no reason for beating enemies to death with your own arm, but it happens, and it’s fantastic. No creature in the universe has enough blood within them to completely coat a floor, but it happens, and it’s fantastic.

Now, I need to say that I never played the original games, I wasn’t old enough to be able to get my hands on them and my mother likely wouldn’t have allowed them in the house even if I had been. I can fix that now, since this game comes with them packed in as unlockable items. But this is all to say that I really didn’t know what I was getting into. I didn’t have a concept of the story, I didn’t know the characters. I cannot claim that I’ve always been a fan. I am a fan now, though.

I was particularly fond of the mask and the way that it taunts the character you play. Its running commentary was biting and wonderfully morbid. I had not expected to run into any comedy type things while playing this game. Laughter yes, but I tend to laugh at things that aren’t really appropriate anyway. This game actually had purposefully scripted comedic moments.

The controls were easy to pick up, the special moves were simple to learn and enough of a challenge to pull of that I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time, but not so challenging that I wanted to throw my controller at the television or avoided using them altogether.

Another pretty fucking awesome surprise was the Lovecraftian elements that were slipped in. There were some that would be pretty damned obvious to anybody who has heard the name H.P. Lovecraft or Cthulhu, and there were some that only dedicated fans would catch. Seeing as that I had not had any awareness of the plot previous to playing, I got really excited at the first sly mention of the Mythos.

I’m aware that the reception of this game was generally mixed, and I don’t think that it’s for everybody by any means. I wouldn’t recommend it for anybody who isn’t a fan of gore and blood and snide remarks, nor would I tout it as the most nail biting storyline that exists. However, I also don’t think that it’s a bad game, nor do I think that you have to be a fan of the previous games to be able to get into it. I wasn’t, and look how much fun I had.

LA Noire

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmaaaaaaaaaaazing.

Yes, it needs that many As, and an H that isn’t normally present.

I knew that I was going to love this game when I bought it. But I didn’t really have an idea how deep my love would go. There are so many elements to this game that really pulled me in, wrapped me up, and refused to let me go.

Don’t let anybody on the planet tell you that having clear facial expressions in a game isn’t possible with the current generation of machines. Obviously, that’s a bunch of bullshit. This game has such clear muscle movements that you can actually tell if a character is lying or not. Some of them are actually pretty good at lying, too. You have to look for these really subtle clues, talk to these people before you decide on your course of action.

There’s absolutely a learning curve for this game. It’s not like most of what is out there. You actually have to do detective work. The things you accuse – or don’t accuse – people of have an impact on the case you’re working.

The characters feel human, they have flaws. You play this guy who is a huge badass, but his past isn’t without it’s mistakes. He might be a boyscout, but he’s far from perfect.

About the only thing that I wish there could have been more of is the chance to direct the conversations with your partner. They don’t have to be huge things that impact the story, but it would have been fun to be sitting in the car and bring up a baseball game and maybe get into an argument about tobacco products or something.

And the only problem with the whole game that I had was that I am not used to playing a RockStar game where running people over with a car actually counts against your score. It seems very cruel of the company to give me so many years and so many games where I can cause absolute chaos when I’m in a vehicle and suddenly turn around and tell me that I ended up with only three of five possible stars because I caused 10,000 dollars worth of damage.

Of course, this could be my problem alone.

I ended up with the Complete Edition, so all of the DLC was already included with the game. I didn’t even realize that I was playing the DLC the way it’s perfectly streamlined into the story. It wasn’t after the main story was over, and it wasn’t like I had to go anywhere special to trigger the extras. They all just slid right in line with the rest of what was going on. Even actively included the cases that come with the main game. I was impressed.

There’s a lot more I can do with this game, achievement wise. But the interruption of my Xbox dying means I’m a bit behind with the games that I’m absolutely dying to play. I’m going to have to return to LA Noire at a later date. Oh darn. (there’s sarcasm there, if it wasn’t obvious)

Red Dead Redemption

Holy shit, I loved this game. It had so many elements that I adored all wrapped up in one delightful place. If I didn’t have other games to play, I would still be running around aimlessly in this game.

1. Horses – Check
2. Hunting animals and skinning them – check
3. Cowboys – check
4. Guns – check
5. Outlaws – check
6. Cannibals – check
7. Random unexpected bodies of water that you ride your horse into and immediately drown you- check

The best part is that the entire time I really felt like I was running around Arizona. Which I know quite well in real life. The desert areas were extremely well done, I had a blast just getting on a horse and riding around, watching the sunsets and getting attacked by vicious bands of wolves.

Note, though, for anyone that’s paying attention to the background of things – if you don’t want your book/movie/tv show/game/picture/whatever to be set in Arizona, you have to leave out the saguaro cacti. They’re very localized.

Not that I think Rockstar was trying to make this somewhere other than a fictional area, I just wanted to put that out there.

I can’t even tell you how long I actually played this game, as the in-game timer didn’t seem to function very well. The first night I played it, I was running around for 8 hours and the game told me I’d only been messing around for about 3 or 4. But I can tell you that I loved every second of it. Start to finish, and I’m not even really finished yet.

One thing that I really liked, and it’s kind of weird, but I really liked that there weren’t any relationship options, and you couldn’t just run around whoring. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy whoring as much as anybody, it was just an unexpected thing and a nice change of pace to see a character devoted to their family. Not that I didn’t curse when I ran by a prostitute and she offered me a good time and I mentioned that I was a married man. Or that I didn’t get frustrated that I couldn’t bed the rancher woman.

I can tell when I get really into a game, because I start talking aloud as if I’m actually the character. In this case, I found myself – more than once – running in a panic and chanting “Too many bears, TOO MANY BEARS”.

The game doesn’t seem to want to let you just deal with one bear at a time, oh no. There’s got to be three or more.

TOO MANY BEARS.

Bayonetta AKA My Brain Melted And Slipped Out My Ear

Let me first announce that the only reason I even looked at this game was because two of my friends kept posting about it on Twitter, and I was so amused by the things they were saying that I had to pick it up. Then I lucked out with a 3 for 2 sale at GameStop, so I chose that one as my freebie. The best time to try new things is when they’re free.

Secondly, I feel I have to note that I have no problem whatsoever with large breasted, scantily clad women in video games. I do not feel it demeans women, I don’t think it’s an insult to them, I don’t feel like it needs to be stopped, it just doesn’t bother me. I think a few people might have mistaken what I was saying for this issue when I was talking about it as I was playing it. No, that is not my issue. Nor do I take issue with the fact that this is the creator’s idea of a perfect woman. Whatever. At least he’s honest.

The game was fun. I’m not going to deny that. I enjoyed playing it and got through it pretty quickly. Maybe it just felt that way because I’d just sunk so much time into Dragon Age II and Fallout 3 before that. The controls were easy to figure out, the special moves were easy to execute. Plus, the bad guys are the angels (good guys), I was into that a lot. The only time I got frustrated or bored was when you have to ride the motorcycle over the seemingly endless highway.

Okay, so the fact that the guy doesn’t seem to know what the word “epilogue” means, and the endless pole dance dance party at the end also bugged me, but only while they were happening.

I’ve stated that I have no problem with Bayonetta being this guy’s perfect woman. It’s a half truth. The way she looks? Okay. But… from what I’ve taken from the game is that this guy wants a busty woman with glasses who dances like a cracked out newbie stripper from the 70′s and wears her OWN FUCKING HAIR AS CLOTHING.

Pick up on the weird part, did you?

Let’s strip this down to the basics, shall we? Guns on her shoes? Cool, I can dig that, I might even wear a pair if I could get my hands on them. The way she stands might be physically painful for any human woman, but since Bayonetta is a witch, she clearly uses magic to keep her spine from snapping. She could use a few lessons in how to shake her booty in a sensual way, but the comedy of it was sort of great. She obviously has an oral fixation, and probably a few cavities. Bayonetta is also so over sexualized that she probably orgasms when she walks, taking down everyone in a 5 mile radius with her moans.

Subtracting everything mentioned here, there’s one thing that sticks out and I really cannot get my head around.

Why. WHY? Why have her wear her own hair? To have those mostly naked cut scenes? There had to be a better way. I refuse to believe that this guy lays awake at night, fantasizing about a girl wearing her own hair instead of regular clothing. There’s a lot of weird shit out there in the world, and I just won’t stand for this one.

Bravo, Creator Guy, for knowing what your ultimate female would look like and getting to make a whole game revolving around her. But please, let’s not ramp up our next wardrobe choice to gluing chickens over naughty bits. I just… can’t.

Mafia II (So far)

When I popped Mafia II into the Xbox to give it a whirl, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I didn’t play the first game, which is strange because anything related to the mob usually has me more ecstatic than a kid with twenty seven dollars in a penny candy store. I don’t even know if there’s any difference play-wise between the two games.

When I encountered the FPS style of the first part, I admit, I panicked a little. I don’t play FPS games very much. The exceptions are games like Bioshock, where it’s first person view, but not exactly a shooter. Games like Halo and Battlefield don’t appeal to me, not because they aren’t well made, or the content, but the greater pull of them is for online multiplayer. As I’ve established pretty well in this long running rantspace of mine, I don’t like playing with other people.

I was pretty sure that I was going to die a lot.

It turns out that my fears were mostly unfounded. At least up to the point I’m at now. I haven’t had a single section be anywhere near the first, instead it’s taken on a familiar structure, if not a little more limited than I’m used to.

I am digging the story, which is the most important part, and the missions that have been set up aren’t the same old thing. They even tap into a hardly-used setting, prison. It was pretty Shawshank. Complete with creepy shower rape scene. I’m still wondering if I hadn’t won the fights if I would have ended up with a shameful secret, or if I would have had to redo the mission.

Which is another thing I have noticed and like. If you fuck up a task, you don’t always have to redo it. There have been at least two times where I haven’t managed to do what needed to be done and been able to just go on with the game – with consequences of course. Mostly (what I have encountered, and there may be other games out there with this feature and I just don’t know it) if you fail in a plot based mission, you have to redo it until you get it right. In this game, sometimes you just get to be a fuckup.

This brings me to my final thought for the moment:

I’m wondering if dying at 125mph in real life is like dying at 125mph in this game. Heart destroying excitement about the sheer speed and how severely you’re breaking the law mixed with a sick giddiness at the surety that you’re not going to survive this, topped off with the gut wrenching knowledge that you can’t stop before you hit that (tree, light pole, other car), slowed time and wash of white.

Pretty certain that after a while the game started putting really big trucks on the road to cease the high-speed head on collisions I was getting into.

The Hunger Games (Book and movie)

I have a feeling I might not be sitting in the Popular Opinion Cool Kids Section after this one. Oh well.

The Hunger Games in general didn’t catch my attention like it did the rest of the world. I didn’t clamor to get the books, and I wasn’t rabid at the idea of a movie. There are several reasons for this. I don’t actively seek out YA books, though I know they can be well written and interesting. I have a lot of other books sitting on a table and waiting to be read, competing with the reorganization and fixing of my house, so I’m not actively seeking out any books that come in a series. Those books waiting to be read are also things that I’ve been looking forward to reading, and I want to get to them. I haven’t been reading like I normally do, and the thought of adding more books to that pile at the moment is a little daunting.

However.

My mother picked up the first book in the series and read it really quickly. She told me that she really enjoyed it. Since it’s a YA and I know that she’s not trying to trick me into reading smut, I decided to give it a chance. I thought it might be nice to have a quick, fun read.

Turns out, I did enjoy reading it. The story is deep, the characters are well thought out and I was interested in knowing more about them. And I read it in under 10 hours total.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to fashion a Katniss Everdeen costume and write fanfic now. I’ve written fanfic exactly twice in my life. Once was an Anita Blake fic, I decided that with how absurd the story was getting and how badly the writing was becoming, a werecow fit right into it all. The other was a Superman/Lex Luthor fic for a friend that complained there was nothing good out there to satisfy her wants. There’s one brewing in my head that has to do with Darth Vader, but we’ll forget I even bought that up.

But I did decide that I wanted to see the movie, and so did my mom. I have heard nothing but rave reviews for it, along with statements that it was perfectly made and they left nothing out.

This is where I’m going to get hit with the shit stick, I think.

This movie has had issues and controversy surrounding it because of morons with low to nonexistent reading comprehension outing themselves as racists. I’m not going to get into this. Personally, I think the casting was pretty well done. My issue is not casting.

It’s the entirety of the movie.

My mother and I left the movie feeling… unsure. But as we talked about it, we realized… it’s not good. We were really unhappy. And I was really confused. How could everybody say that this movie was perfectly made? That it was exactly what the book was, and they couldn’t have asked for anything more? How were legions of people delighted by what they had seen? I felt hugely, hugely, let down.

I’m going to spell out why. But I’m going to mention here that I’m not going to hold back on what I say, so there’s bound to be spoilers. I don’t really know more than one or two people that haven’t somehow become absorbed into this, so I’m not really worried. Since I don’t want to get yelled at for it, however, and don’t want spoiler issues to overshadow the rest of what I’m saying, here it is:

POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD.

There. You were warned.

Now on to my issues.

1. Where the pin came from. I felt like this was a big deal because that pin came from somebody unexpected. It came from somebody that Katniss didn’t think gave two thoughts about her. It was a showing that she was supported in her future venture, not just for taking her sister’s place and being brave about it in the face of impending shit. Taking this moment away from the story… I just can’t fathom how they thought that it would be okay.

2. Haymitch and his drinking. They played this down. I’m unsure of why. Because kids would be seeing it? Didn’t kids read it? I also felt like him falling off the stage was something of small import. It meant that the whole of the country was watching District 12 already, but making fun of them. Taking this out means that they’re not turning the country’s view of their district around in any way. They don’t start out the underdog.

3. Peeta’s father was removed as well. We know in the book that his mother is a tyrant. This is generally ignored, but I think because I had just read the book and it was fresh in my mind that I translated it onto the screen. Removing his father was harshly evident. There was no balance. Taking out the moment that his father visits Katniss and gifts her with treats removes her decision that she can’t accept kindness from anyone, because of what she has to do. It removes the passionate moment where she throws out the bag, lessening the turmoil of her later decision to team up with Peeta and what it really means.

4. All the personal relationships were really underdeveloped. I felt no connection between Katniss and anybody else. Not her mother, not her sister, not Gale. I didn’t feel for her in the moment that she stepped up to take her sister’s place, because by that time, I really felt like she was an expendable character. Nobody seemed to really give a shit about her, so neither did I. This was in stark contrast to the book, where I could almost feel my own heart breaking as her sister’s name is called. As Gale has to come up and physically remove the sister from the scene because of all the emotion. While this happens in the movie as well, it’s not even a fraction as dramatic as it should have been. It was kind of like a walk in the park.

5. The pressure of the Games is removed. Not one part of it feels harrowing or dangerous. It feels like paintball with friends on a nice Saturday afternoon in comparison to how the book describes it. This can be backed up by the fact that there have been a great number of people in the real world wishing that they could be a part of the Hunger Games. WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT THAT?

6. It is very evident in the book how different life is in the Capitol, spoken of many times in detail. The weird hair, the outrageous plastic surgery. This being replaced with outlandish makeup and wigs tears apart everything that was trying to be illustrated. Anybody can put on a wig and makeup. These people made alterations to their very structures because they didn’t really have anything better to do with their lives. They dyed their goddamned skin different colors. These are instruments to show the absolute decadence of the Capitol. The lavish lives that they lead. The painful blandness of their lives that drives them to staunch their boredom in un-thought-of ways.

7. Rue. Oh my god, Rue. She wasn’t there for long, but she was a huge impact on Katniss and the general point of the story. But in the movie she’s mainly left out. We don’t see her helping Katniss. We don’t see the exchange of knowledge between them, or that Katniss takes care of this little girl. We don’t get their connection at all. For christ’s sake, she doesn’t even chew the leaves, just pastes them over Katniss’ burns whole. There’s nothing there to make us feel anything for her, or for Katniss when she dies. It’s just an empty, decorated platter. Something pretty to look at, with no substance.

Even the fact that Katniss leaves the spear in Rue so that nobody else will be able to have it is lost.

8. Small, but integral, I think, is the crown. One of the simplest things that happened in the whole story, yet they managed to neglect it entirely. Instead of one crown for one person, the crown splits into two, a part for Katness, a part for Peeta, to show that they share the win. Yet in the movie? One. One for Katniss. While she is the narrator of our tale, she is NOT the only hero. In fact, she’s not really much of a hero in the standard sense at all. She is selfish. Peeta is the hero. This is evident even in the book. So where is Peeta’s crown?

9. Why did they lessen Katniss’ wounds? How did that make anything better? To keep the actress pretty? She went through hell in the book, yet she comes out of the Games looking pretty clean and plump. As if the entire thing happened over a matter of hours instead of days. By the way she looks, she doesn’t need any of the help she gets from others. The teaming up with Rue is diminished here as well.

10. We miss out entirely on her reaction to Peeta’s declaration of love. They don’t have her sitting in the audience to hear it along with the rest of the world. We see her anger. And even that isn’t fully realized. She breaks his hands in the book. Breaks his HANDS.

11. Another diminished aspect that I felt was hugely important? The gifts. The sponsors as a whole, really. Everything that they were doing, from their costumes to how they were acting was to get sponsors, to get gifts, so that they could survive. Without this, what point is the beautiful flaming set of creations by Cinna? Without this, why should she bother even putting on an act with Peeta? We see very little of these gifts, or their meaning. Ripping away beautiful writing and some pretty good moments that could have been captured.

12. Muttations. Hi. This could have been awesome. But it was … sad. Pathetically thought out in the movie, or not thought out, as the case may be. There’s a point when they’re surrounded by these dogs, ravenous and angry, out for blood dog-human creations. Katniss sees in these creatures the features of her fellow tributes, showing just how disgusting these games really are. It doesn’t matter if they’re truly made with the bodies of the fallen, the point is that the creators of this “game” will stoop to any level. They’re using the deceased as game pieces after they’ve already been destroyed in horrible ways. Their death is no peace to them. They are made to terrify and confuse the living. Sure, they’re still plenty discouraging when they appear, but not nearly as moving.

To top it off, we don’t really get to see what the Capitol has done in the past to win against the rebels. The things that they created to best their enemies.

13. The Avox. The whole story of the redheaded girl and how Katniss knew her. The fact that their tongues are removed and they’re made to serve others. Where was it? Why do they keep insisting on refusing to make the Capitol as evil as they are?

14. They missed a huge story point in removing Katniss’ personal issues about Peeta and Gale. What she has to do VS what she wants, and what she’s not sure she wants VS what she might actually be feeling. Worrying about what Gale will think when she does what she has to do to survive.

15. Why remove her entire ordeal with trying to find water? Because they left out everything else that has to with the gifts? Water is important, yet they neglected to make me feel like she’d spent any time without it.

16. I really missed Katniss’ stylists. They are vapid, they are flighty, but they are also interesting. They show the stark contrast between Katniss’ world and the world of the Capitol, and yet they still obviously begin to care about her. We get to see them grow from people who only care about themselves into individuals who are rather like dotty aunts.

17. Cinna. So much more should have been explored with Cinna. His brief moments on screen didn’t even begin to touch the deep connection that he has with her. We don’t know why, in the books, Cinna doesn’t exactly subscribe to the things that the people around him do, but we can see that he doesn’t. He is subdued. He knows what needs to be done, but he isn’t a follower. He helps Katniss in more ways than just her clothing. But we miss it. All of it.

18. Her father? We learn the bare essentials of Katniss and her father, their relationship, what he did for her, what he meant to her, how he left their lives, the impact on her mother. Sure, we see some of this in really brief flashes. But we don’t really get to know it. If it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be who she became. Yet it doesn’t seem to be important at all in the movie.

19. The pin. Again. We see it. We know that she takes it into the Games. We don’t know that she’s not really supposed to. We don’t get to see the impact of it anywhere. It’s just a pin. A pin given to her by the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

There are probably more reasons that I’m not coming up with right at this moment, but I think the gist of how I feel has come across in these points. All 19 of them.

Having read the second book now, all of these points are just further cemented for me. I read things that bring these points back into life, into the story. They aren’t things that are just in the first book. They grow and become other things. The changes made in the movie in some cases, completely erases some relationships and moments that happen in the second book. It strips them out entirely. There are some spots, from movie to second book, where I can see the bridges over the gaps they made, using logic, but it doesn’t mean that it will be good or satisfactory if another movie is made. (If. I say if, like it’s not going to happen)

I wish now that I hadn’t even gone to see the movie. It’s tainted my experience. It ripped me out of the moment. I did still enjoy the second book, and I’m looking forward to reading the third and finding out what happens. But the entire time I was reading the second, I was finding flaws in the movie and having to stop to think about everything they took away from us with their omissions and changes. This is not what reading should be. This is not what a movie experience should be.

I’m disappointed. And confused. How is this movie so well liked?

The Nuka Cola Challenge!

I will, at some point, discuss my time with Fallout 3 in greater detail. That time is not now.

This time is for an achievement.

Oh, what anger and frustration you have caused me, achievement. I took you upon my shoulders knowing that you would not be easy. For your goal is for a rare item. Of course there would be much searching, some cursing, accidental drinkings of the very thing I am trying to collect. This I expected, and more, really. Because to try to find 30 of one thing that does not pop up very often is no small task. I was dedicated, achievement. You know this because I goddamned got you. Yes I fucking did. In the end, I won.

But for the love of fuck, did you have to actually be physically harder to complete than the Bobble Head achievement? There were twice as many things trying to kill me during the Nuka Cola Challenge, and during the bobble head thing I went into two, count them, two dens containing giant, angry animals that wanted nothing more than to kill me and have my innards for a snack. Yet I managed to do that with less expletives than you, Nuka Cola Challenge.

I opted to go for the bad karma in this one, because it sounded funnier to me (and it was in the end), and I didn’t need the schematic she was going to give me in exchange.

But I, in a round about kind of way, brought this chick 30 bottles of Nuka Cola Quantum and she can’t even use ONE of them to make me one of her pies?

Fuck you, bitch.

The Walking Dead – Final-ish thoughts

The makeup remained pretty amazing through the first season. I think I enjoyed it the most when they’d have skeletal parts showing through, or entire sections of bodies missing. The best, though, was when it looked as if the zombies had chewed their own faces. I like the appearance they had with all their teeth and part of their jaw showing. It looked really good.

As the episodes went on, I definitely found myself drawn in completely. Which once again brings me to the very scant number of episodes to a season. I don’t like that. There needs to be more.

I’d like to see Lennie James come back. I really enjoyed his character. I’d also kind of like to see Rick’s wife die. I don’t like her very much. I don’t know what it is about her, but she irks me. Norman Reedus does really well in his role, and though I probably shouldn’t, I enjoy his character a fair bit. I’m curious to know what happened to his brother, though.

Just as I’m curious to know what the fuck the scientist whispered to Rick just before the whole building exploded.

If this keeps going as it has been, it could very easily become a favorite. That makes two new favorite shows in a short amount of time. That’s pretty good. It makes me happy, as well. As much as it may seem that I enjoy bitching, I like it much better when I find something good. I like liking things.

Kalifornia

This is one of the strangest movies I’ve watched in quite a while. From the story itself to the characters themselves, I hardly know what to think about everything that went on.

Let’s start with the cast, shall we? We shall.

First you’ve got Juliette Lewis. She’s playing a young, kind of stupid, kind of overly innocent, girl. She does it very well. If I had never seen her in anything else, I would have thought she was actually an idiot. She’s played the girlfriend of a deranged motherfucker before, in Natural Born Killers, but this was less of a knowledgeable role. Here she believes that her man is a good person at heart, where in Natural Born Killers, she helps in the slaughter and mayhem.

Then we’ll move on to David Duchovny. He plays a guy you sort of expect Duchovny to play. Intelligent, writer, unsure about where he’s going in life. Just knows that he needs to do this thing, write a book, because he’s already spent all of his advance, and he’s not really sure where to go with it.

Plus Michelle Forbes. You may not recognize her name right off the bat, but I assure you, she’s done some notable things. She’s been in some pretty high profile situations on television, such as Maryann Forrester on True Blood. Recognize her now? You might not when you see her in this. Man, she’s a fucking chameleon. You change her hair and her makeup, and she’s nigh unrecognizable. It took me a really really long time to realize who she was, after a long bout of nagging in my brain that kept saying I knew who she was.

This brings us to Brad Pitt. This is where things start getting weird. Oh, it’s not as if we haven’t seen Brad in the role of somebody off their hinges before. Remember 12 Monkeys? Oh yes. But this time, it’s something a little special. He’s an ignorant, psychopathic, redneck. Oh, how he does play his part well. Brad is, arguably, the first reason I decided to watch this. The second being that the premise really interested me.

Premise. Writer takes a trip to Cali, deciding to try to ride share, and ends up with our dearest little girl and her disturbed boyfriend. Not knowing who they are, agrees to welcome them on board on his tour of the most famous murder sites in America.

Who would NOT want to watch that?

You know from the start that it’s going to go badly at some point. But you just don’t know how or when. Let me tell you, when it comes, it kind of comes at you from a blind corner. Then, just when you think that everything couldn’t get more strange, it does.

I’m not saying I didn’t like this movie. Because I did. I guess I just wasn’t expecting what it was. I kind of had this idea in my head and then when it didn’t fit, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I’m still not really sure. Do I watch it again, just to make sure that what I saw is what I saw? Also, you shouldn’t mistake this strangeness with the sort that comes from surrealist movies like Slipstream. This is it’s own kind of strange.

Special, maybe.

Most of it comes with Brad’s character, Early. Just all the little nervous ticks and habits that Brad slipped in, the things that were consistent through the whole movie, the way he would look – that look in his eyes – when he was going to kill, the throat/nasal clearing thing, the laugh. It sort of crawls into your brain and stays there. I don’t know where Brad got the ideas for these things, but they’re pretty inspired.

Juliette’s character brings a lot of her own, though. She was like a little girl most of the time, too eager to please and trying too hard to make these strangers into her friends. She has this trademark “um” that in most people would be obnoxious, but in somebody like Adele it’s almost endearing. She needs that “um” to have a moment to gather her thoughts. She needs it to move into some other conversational territory. She’s not an adult, but she’s in a very adult place. Let me correct that. She’s an adult chronologically, but not mentally. The situation she finds herself in, the things she does, proves this.

The ending was certainly brilliant. Not at all what I would have expected. Probably not what it would have been if this had been a main stream movie. They wouldn’t have allowed it. It was far too dark. Not that the rest of the film isn’t dark. But there’s a certain level that they’ll allow in when movies go big, and I think this pushes that line to it’s breaking. But it was absolutely perfect. Anything else would have ruined the whole experience.

I think the only thing I am truly confused about, though, is the fact that this had a warning for graphic sexual whatever. Which was only in photographs which weren’t all that graphic.

The Walking Dead – At First Blush

– The first episode is very 28 Days Later

– The makeup is goddamned great

– Lennie James is absolutely fantastic and I love him to bits, and now I love him even more.

– Zombies.

– Was a little put off by the 28 Days Later rip off, but by the end of the episode, was willing to watch more.

– He’s a dick for getting the horse killed. I may never forgive him.

Sons of Anarchy

Fuck yes.

Fucking goddamned brilliant.

I flew through the two seasons of this on Netflix. As if I were fire and it was petroleum. I couldn’t get enough, I couldn’t stop watching. I am anxious for another season, and might even endure the ads on Hulu to get my fix. I am so beyond pleased with everything that this show encompasses.

It’s all very Shakespearean. That’s not just me reading into things, either. Hamlet, everywhere. I checked. I’m right. You can’t argue this with me.

Of course, me being me, I’m not infatuated with the male put into the show to be the eye candy for the female audience. Oh, no. He does nothing for me. Give me Juice or Opie or Chibs. I’ll be happy. Or Tig, when he’s being a psycho. I like that.

It doesn’t hurt matters that I really love motorcycles.

More words would just seem like I’m sucking this show’s dick. I just adore it too much to be fluidly articulate.

Ps: I do have to say, however, that I was really sad about Halfsack. I really liked Halfsack.

Autumn (So… there’s a movie?)

Imagine my surprise, if you will, as I come upon this in the Netflix Instant selection. I think to myself “No, it can’t be…can it?” And it is. I was a little shocked at first that this movie had come out and had not had any sort of mention in the main stream. But then I wasn’t.

It’s hard for me to say that I liked this movie, though it’s also hard for me to say that I didn’t like this movie. It’s such a balanced thing, and the penalty for overstepping one way or the other is a pit full of poisoned jagged spikes. And angry badgers.

This movie clearly suffered from the low budget it was given. Production value was incredibly low. I don’t think they even got to use a good camera. It sort of feels like what they had on hand was something somebody had bought for a kid of theirs a few years ago because that kid said they wanted to make awesome action movies, but the parent didn’t want to get them something too good for a few reasons, namely it’s a camera for a kid and also the kid doesn’t stick to things for long.

There was also some fairly poor acting happening. Mostly this occurred with characters that didn’t really matter anyway, so it wasn’t like it impacted the whole thing very much, nor did it last very long. It wasn’t bad acting that one had to endure from start to finish.

On the other hand, this movie is very true to the book. They took no liberties with the story. They had everything happen the way that it was written. Even the settings were pretty much exactly as I had imagined while I was reading.

They also managed to snare some fairly big named actors, namely Dexter Fletcher and David Carradine. Having two faces like that in your film means something. Unfortunately, it might mean that the whole of the budget went to them to get them to climb aboard, sacrificing other things in the process. But this isn’t really one of those things where they’d be in it just for the cash. This is something that actors do because they like the source material and believe in the project.

I’m really having a hard time deciding how I feel about this. It was pretty badly done, but not so much that I was bored or shut it off. We’ve already established that I’m not against bailing on something fifteen minutes in if I’m really put off by it. I wish they’d done better, I wish that I could give this a resounding hooray. Obviously that’s not going to happen.

I guess I’d say that if you read and enjoyed the book, that you should sit down and have a watch. But if you haven’t, don’t bother. Unless you’re a huge David Carradine fan, because he plays a pretty fantastic nutjob.

Gamer – request

I had what I would call an incredibly low opinion of what this movie was, what it was going to be, and how I was going to feel about it. I had such a low opinion of this movie based on the trailers and previews that I saw that I’ve been putting off filling this request for – I think – about a year.

I kind of feel bad for that now.

Now that I’ve actually watched it.

Because, you see, the thing is? It wasn’t all that bad. Whoever put together the previews did a really shit job at promoting their movie. It made me feel like I was going to watch some shitty live action version of Halo, but a hell of a lot less interesting (I am not a Halo girl, this is a huge insult to the movie). That was not what I watched at all. At.All.

What I watched was a really interesting piece of action flick filled with actors I’m pretty fond of and had no idea were even in this goddamned thing. They don’t tell you a lot when you’re watching those two-ish minutes of something that’s supposed to catch your interest, and they certainly don’t give you much in the way of seeing who’s in it. So I was pretty surprised, pleasantly, as it turns out, at who I discovered.

Gerard Butler is a pretty pleasing hook to start with, but he’s been in some iffy things in the past. I can’t always trust his choices, I’m sad to say. But if you’d told me, on top of good ole Gerry, that I’d get some Sam Witwer (even as briefly as I got him) PLUS John Leguizamo? Would have watched this in the theater. These are men that I adore, you see. Including Michael C. Hall – and putting Hall with Witwer again made me happy, though to make me happier they should have been in the same room. Right there, that’s four fellas I enjoy to bits. That’s four reasons to sit through pretty much anything.

But if I’d known, and watched this way back when, I would have seen that it wasn’t a bad movie after all. I would have realized that it was just the fault of whoever was trying to promote it. That shitty, shitty job that they did. I would have enjoyed myself and wouldn’t have tormented myself for pretty much an entire year by looking at my Netflix instant queue and cringing every time I saw the title of this movie slide on by. Knowing that I should review it because somebody requested it, and thinking that it would be punishment to watch.

NOT PUNISHMENT, PEOPLE.

That’s the point that I’m trying to get at.

The action was actiony and good, the plot was pulled together well (I was pretty sure there wasn’t a plot to speak of, so this was a nice surprise), the actors – fantastic, I don’t think I really have any complaints. Now, my lack of complaints may be from how low my expectations were, because I don’t think I’ve ever had lower expectations than I did going in here, but I think I can trust myself enough to say that I would enjoy this movie again. I would buy it, really. I think I might buy it, in fact.

Which is a complete turn around from what I thought when it all started.

It’s nice, actually, to have things go this way. I’ve been seeing too many movies where I think I’m going to like it, and then I really don’t. Which makes me sad. SO yes. This kind of turn around is good. I’d like to see this kind of u-turn more often.

L.A. Confidential (Movie)

Well, it certainly did take me for-fucking-ever to get this on Netflix, didn’t it? I only have myself to blame, though. Putting things before it, things that were new-er and caught the part of my brain that gets distracted easily. Even the most focused of us have those things that draw us in, take us over, and we don’t even think about it when it happens, we just go along for the ride and then realize some months later that we’d intended to do something, and had completely forgotten about it.

Let me truly start this off with the proud statement that one of my cats has an undying love for Kevin Spacey’s voice. I don’t know if I’ve talked about that before on here or not. She can be in an entirely different part of the house, and as soon as he speaks, there she is, rapt, watching the screen. This movie was no different. He’d said but two words, I believe, before she was at my side, ready for the duration of the film. And gone again, just as quickly, when his part was over with.

I remember thinking, as I read the book, “How the fuck does this become a movie?” And not because it’s a bad book, by any means. Not because the writing is terrible or I didn’t think that it was worth the time and effort it would take. But rather, because I wasn’t sure that it could be pulled off. Ellroy has a certain voice, a way of putting the pen to the paper that I wasn’t sure could be augmented into a film script without heavy editing that would ruin the whole thing.

Happily, I can say now, the book becomes a movie quite brilliantly. I think the word genius can be attributed to the script writer and director here. Maybe even the producers, and most certainly the actors. Without a question, the actors. Sure, there were some things that were trimmed a bit, but that’s to be expected, isn’t it? We haven’t come this far in our movie watching careers that we expect every tiny thing to translate from page to screen, have we? I don’t think we have. But what was trimmed was not done so in a bad way, and it certainly didn’t take anything away from the watching experience. I didn’t find myself once thinking “Now, shouldn’t they have included ____ in order to better explain ____?” which is something that I’m very happy about. I don’t like it when I have that feeling.

The movie held to Ellroy’s style, while smoothing out some of the more vicious edges to play out on the screen better. That’s a really hard thing to do, I think. To keep grasp on the voice of the source material, but make it so the audience doesn’t feel like they’ve been bitchslapped. And please, don’t get me wrong, Ellroy can bitchslap me any time he likes. I enjoy his writing very much. But would it work the same on the screen as it does on the page? I can’t say. I think it needs to be safety coated for the general viewing audience. You want as many people as possible to enjoy what they’re watching, even if you’re making it for a specific set. That said, however, it definitely felt like an Ellroy story. It wasn’t too soft, too padded. They could have done a great deal of damage to the whole thing, and they completely escaped doing so.

I really really enjoyed the placement of Guy Pearce and Russell Crowe as Exley and White respectively. They played very well off of each other. Of course high praise also goes to Kevin Spacey. I actually don’t think a single actor was miscast in this. I can’t really think of anybody I would have rather seen in the roles. Everybody slid right in to the mental picture I’ve been holding onto since reading the book, I like that.

Now, how do we get even more Ellroy books made into films?

House (Not the show. DEAR GOD, NOT THE SHOW)

This is not a writeup about the show House, where a snarky doctor pops Vicodin and solves medical mysteries. If that’s what you’re looking for, turn back now. This has nothing to do with that show, and never will. There are no similarities, except for maybe that some of the actors are male.

There are lots of movies out there about haunted houses and people getting trapped in them. Or people spending the night in one and then getting trapped in them. Or people going to a house because they’re lost/car’s broken/think it’s a nice hotel and then get trapped in it. It’s a familiar story, and it can be said that it’s a little played out. But then, you could really say that about every movie out there, couldn’t you? All stories have already been told, it’s the way in which they’re done that we should be looking at.

And by god.

I think I originally began to watch this because I thought it would be crap, and maybe it would help me fall asleep. Michael Madsen was obviously another pull. He’s okay in my book. But it’s very likely that I didn’t really have much hope, though I swear to you now that I recall no such thoughts happening.

Mostly because this movie just blew all such thoughts right out of my pretty little brain. Then said brain was splattered against the wall.

This is, apparently, also a book. Which I’m going to have to seek out. Because wow. If this is what I get from the movie, I can only imagine what I’ll get from the book (*knock wood* please, don’t jinx me, please don’t let me be wrong, please don’t let it be horrible since I opened my damned fool mouth).

This doesn’t just get you through plain old every day fear, either. This really fucks with you all over the place. It’s like it had a party in your brain with Motley Crew and Guns ‘N’ Roses and didn’t tell you. It also didn’t tell you that it invited some heroin junkies and gave you some acid in your sandwich. Every single angle, this thing is coming at you. I loved it.

I think that more horror should be all encompassing, instead of just focusing on the physical horror or the psychological horror. Combining it can make some very beautiful music. Haunting, melodic music carrying a chainsaw. Oh, I know it can go the other way, too. I’ve seen it happen. I’m not an idiot. But more should at least try. If we do not try, we do not learn.

We can take notes from this movie, and spread them all over the place, and hope that little baby movies with this much intensity are born. Or something.

Good VS Evil

Today, kids, we talk about games with morality engines. Good VS Evil. The right thing VS being a complete dick. They’ve become quite popular in games, and since their early days, I’ve been very fond of them. Putting in my hands the option to be a good guy or a bad guy, a sinner or a saint, that’s my kind of thing. I get really excited about games that have this particular kind of structure. The more involved it is, the happier I am.

It’s just that, well, I tend to play instinctively. Which means, and here’s something that might just shock you, 99.9% of the time, my character is the bad guy the first go ’round. Even if it just ends up that the morality engine is so involved that I’ve managed to make choices that place me more along the lines of Chaotic Neutral (yeah, I’m that much of a prick), I’m certainly not the Knight In Shining Armor. I’m no Hero.

It kind of surprised me to learn that most of my friends are. Not even just friends, but people I encounter randomly and discuss games with. We that play our characters wickedly because it comes naturally – and it’s way more fun – we are a very small percentage of the world. Very. Fucking. Small.

Most players will go through their first plays of these games with golden hearts and halos that (somebody like me would shove up their asses given the chance) gleam with all the glory of the righteous. They do the noble things, the brave things, sacrificing themselves and/or their loved ones so that it might save an entire race of beings (barf). When the game is complete, then, and only then, will they traipse through the world again, this time choosing the dark side. The majority of players like this will not find these actions easy. You will see them struggle with themselves, even though they’ve made the decision to be bad. Oh, WHY is it that you people cannot see how glorious it is to walk on the other side of the tracks?

There are even some players, a fairly good fraction of those that are good at heart, who cannot – no matter what – bring themselves to play a bad guy. And some that, beyond that, can’t even be mildly morally questionable.

Okay, I will admit. I usually save the “white hat” run through for the very last. I don’t generally have as much fun being nice. I’m not into all that … self sacrifice and putting the good of the whole before the good of myself. I like being reprehensible. I like how the Dark Side alters the way one looks when one uses it too much (KOTOR). It makes me giddy to see that I’ve screwed somebody else over so that I can have an easier life.

But it’s not impossible for me to play through as a good guy. I do it. I do it to see different endings, to see how differently characters will react when you’re not threatening to burn down their village. I do it to see the changes and the subtleties. It’s still fun, just not as much fun. So why can’t those do-gooders see my side of it? Why can’t they just admit that for a little while, it’s kind of interesting and entertaining to be evil? Hm? I think it’s a little biased, really. I can play how you play, but you don’t even want to try it my way?

This is starting to sound a little … naughty, isn’t it.

Some people are surprised when they discover the nature of my gaming. Most, however, not so much. Once you get to know me, you really can’t ignore the fact that it bleeds over into real life. I am who I am. I make it no secret. I don’t lie about it. I laugh when people get hurt. I enjoy tasteless jokes. So my friends? Really not startled when they see my achievements always pop up with the “you won the game as a complete heartless bastard” first. Not surprised when I talk about the dark endings before I talk about the light ones. Not at all taken aback, but highly amused, when I rage quietly about accidentally getting the Light Side ending in Force Unleashed the first time I played it. ACCIDENTALLY GOT IT. SON.OF.A.BITCH. Yes, I’m still angry. I also harbor resentment and grudges, fyi.

All I want you people to do is try to see things my way. That’s all I ask. Is that so much?

Evil. Try it. You might like it.

Silent Hill: Homecoming (Frustrations)

I cannot even tell you right now how long ago I got this game. I borrowed it first from a friend, then decided that I liked it too much to not own it, and that it was going to take me a fairly long time to play through it, so holding onto his copy wasn’t really nice.

I have this frequent problem. Or I did. I am trying to correct it. It’s a bad habit, and it’s how I ended up with a giant fucking stack of games that were only somewhat played through. I would be in the middle of a game and something would come out that I was more interested in. Now, instead of buying said game and waiting until I finished what I was working on, I would play the new game, leaving the other sad and alone. Crying. On my shelf.

While I did this with Silent Hill: Homecoming, I did manage to pick it up again fairly quickly after I finished whatever wondrous thing had floated my way. I was playing along quite happily, too. Enjoying myself. Yelling at the television when things wouldn’t die. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have a potty mouth. It’s not just when I write.

Then the most horrible of horribles happened. The one thing that every gamer dreads and curses the sky for.

I got stuck.

I did it to myself. I can wholly admit that. It was all entirely my doing. No question. I went into an area with maybe two bullets, a quarter of my health, a crowbar, an axe, and a flashlight. No medical kits. No health drinks. Just wandered on in, didn’t even think about it. Didn’t consider that I’d just found something pretty significant and maybe, just motherfucking maybe, I should take a moment to gather myself so that I wouldn’t be walking into the massive clusterfuck of assrape that I did. No. Not me. I’ll just go right down this pretty creepy ladder here, and… oh. What’s that? Boss you say? Can’t go back, you say? Fucked myself, did I?

I did.

I literally spent weeks trying to find a way to defeat Scarlett with what I had on me. I can admit that I didn’t even come close. Not even mildly. It’s actually pretty laughable how not close I came to killing her and proceeding with the rest of the game. I would laugh, except it’s my problem. Laughing at yourself often gets you a white padded room and a special jacket. Or maybe that’s just how hard I would be laughing, and with the release of emotion might come some added screaming and…

Let’s move on, shall we?

I have previously talked about my quest to wrap up the above noted games, bringing my backlog into some realm of sanity. Coupled with the vow that once I have picked up a game, I will complete it before starting another. (This vow is hard to keep. Obviously I was not made for vows. Or with much willpower when it comes to video games.) The time for Silent Hill: Homecoming did roll around, and lo, I picked it up and with heavy heart did erase my previous game, thus confirming the restart that was fated to occur.

I’ve been enjoying it… I suppose I should say that I had been, had being a very key word here… I had been enjoying it during the replay. There had been enough time and enough other games in that time that I didn’t remember the story perfectly, I didn’t automatically know how to solve the puzzles. It was a little new despite how far I’d gotten. It was okay. It really was.

Until I started thinking about getting to that boss level with the goddamned giant fucking puppet of massive sphincter bleeding. Then I started to get upset. Not with the game, though, with myself. I kept thinking of all the things I could have done differently to prevent this replay from happening. Replaying because you want to is one thing. Doing it because you’ve shoved your own head up your ass is entirely different. It’s just aggravating.

I had to stop playing again. Now it and GTA 4 are the ones staring at me from my shelves, asking me why they aren’t yet finished. SH:H pleading with puppy dog eyes and little whimpering noises. “Just finish me, I’m a good game, I’ll show ya, you enjoyed me before, just pick me up, we’ll have a good time together, promise”. Bastard.

I’m just so annoyed with myself over things that I’m taking it out on the game. I have to get over it, that’s what it comes down to. I have to, and I will. Somehow. Because I cannot just let it linger. It will drive me crazy (obviously we’re significantly down that street, aren’t we?).

There will be another update on this when I finish the damn game.