Interview With New Author, Kelly Edwards

I got to “sit down” and talk with Kelly Edwards, author of Scorcher, and ask her what it’s like to have a book out, how and why she chose the route she did, and a lot of other things that have absolutely nothing to do with writing at all. She was a fantastic sport and great fun to talk to.

You can get Scorcher in physical copy or ebook.

Nerdmobile: So, Kelly, tell everybody what the book and series are about.

Kelly: Scorcher explores the concept that supervillains are people too.
They’re not always megalomaniacs with dreams of world domination.
Sometimes they’re just people doing whatever they must to get by.
Aidan Grey is a college student with goals for the future, a drive to
succeed, and little time for romance. She’s also a woman with a
secret. At eleven, she was orphaned due to the accidental use of her
pyrokinetic abilities. She was taken in by the secret criminal
organization known as Iris and trained to use her abilities for the
organization’s profit. Marty Knox is a police detective who loves his
family, tries to genuinely make a difference in the world and falls
hard for Aidan. He shows up just as Aidan is starting to question her
loyalties to Iris and she’s surprised to find that she can’t resist
him, even if it would be dangerous to get involved with someone on the
right side of the law. What Aidan doesn’t realize is that Marty has a
secret of his own, one that would endanger both their lives if
discovered by Iris.

The series itself expands on this topic as Aidan struggles with
figuring out where her loyalties lie and fights for the freedom to
make that choice for herself, as opposed to allowing the organization
that’s owned her for half her life to continue to make all of her
decisions.

Nerdmobile: You are a brand spanking new author, but that doesn’t mean you just now picked up writing. How long have you been at it?

Kelly: I’ve been telling stories since I was a kid. I used to write plays to perform for my parents. In middle school and high school, that morphed
into poetry and short stories. And I must say, thank goodness the
internet wasn’t really a thing back then. Or else there might be some
of that middle school poetry coming back to haunt me.

Nerdmobile: What drove you to the method of publishing you used?

Kelly: I’m a control freak. Seriously though, I really liked the idea
of getting my book out there on my terms and spending time building my
audience instead of spending time trying to sell my novel to
publishers. I also enjoy some of the other things that have come with
marketing, from working closely with my cover artist to designing my
own website and running my own promotions on Facebook and Twitter.

Nerdmobile: Will you continue with self publish, or are you hoping to be picked up by a publishing house?

Kelly: At this point, I’m really enjoying the self-publishing process
but I wouldn’t say no if the right offer came along. Right now, I
think that my books fall into a niche market as they are unabashedly
genre fiction. While genre fiction can and does sell to traditional
publishing houses, it is a tougher sell.

Nerdmobile: In your opinion, what is the difference between the two?

Kelly: The biggest difference between the two is the degree of control
an author has over the finished book. With a traditional publishing
house most authors have very little, if any, say in what the cover or
layout look like. They are also under deadlines from the publishing
house instead of self-imposed deadlines. Of course, with a traditional
publishing house there is a chance for wider distribution so if that’s
what you’re interested in, there are many times when it’s worthwhile
to give up some of your creative control so you have the chance to get
your story out there to a wider audience.

Nerdmobile: Is writing your first love?

Kelly: Actually, my first love was a boy named Jimmy who was the He-Man to my She-Ra. Sadly, no one told us that they were brother and sister. But
after Jimmy, telling stories was my first long-lasting love.

Nerdmobile: Would you marry writing?

Kelly: No, I’ve already got a wonderful husband. Writing is just the sexy,
alluring mistress that I lavish with gifts and spend most of my free
time with. (Sorry, honey!)

Nerdmobile: If you and writing had babies, … oh wait. That would be your
book. What was your inspiration for this particular story?

Kelly: This story, like most of my stories, started with the characters.
Aidan came to me first. I really liked the idea of a character who has
reasons for being a villain and who might not be looking for
redemption at the start of the story but isn’t fully evil either. The
story evolved naturally from there. I had help from a dear friend,
Paul Leone, in developing Marty as someone who is both the anithesis
of what Aidan is but is similar enough to forget a strange sort of
connection.

Nerdmobile: So you’re a character driven writer, have you ever attempted to write a story that focuses not on the people but on the situation?

Kelly: I’m working on a story now where I came up with a basic sketch of
an idea first and then started filling in the characters. I would say
that the plot or situation tends to feed and inform the characters and
vice versa.

Nerdmobile: Do you fall in love with your characters?

Kelly: All the time. It’s getting rather full in my heart because every
character I’ve ever written has carved out a spot. If I don’t write
with them for awhile, I will start to miss certain characters. I also
frequently feel guilty if I’m not writing often enough to get their
stories out.

Nerdmobile: Writers read, that’s a given. Who is your favorite author?

Kelly: I have a confession. I am a book slut. My favorite author changes on a semi-regular basis and I’ve never committed to just one favorite.
Authors I’m loving quite a lot currently are Seanan Mcguire, Jim
Butcher, and Jim C Hines. Susan Ee is also my new favorite up and
comer to watch.

Nerdmobile: So there’s not one author that you’ve read since you were younger that still holds up for you today?

Kelly: Lois Lowry and J.R.R. Tolkien both stand out, though it’s been
awhile since I’ve reread either author. Unfortunately, my reading time
is very limited now so I usually try to seek out books that I haven’t
read yet and don’t have as much time as I would like for reading the
old favorites.

Nerdmobile: What is your favorite book of all time? How many times have you read it?

Kelly: See above, re: book slut. The Harry Potter books are my go-to comfort books for when I just want to read something familiar. I’ve lost count
of how many times I’ve read those. I’ve also lost count of how many
times I’ve read the Dresden Files.

Nerdmobile: Do you have other nerdly pursuits?

Kelly: Aside from the standards: reading comics and sci-fi and fantasy books, watching sci-fi and fantasy TV shows and debating them online, I’m
also really into making superhero costumes and of course, wearing them
to conventions and charity events.

Nerdmobile: What was the first comic you read?

Kelly: While I have loved superheroes for most of my life, I’m actually
relatively new to reading actual comics. I started reading them about
7 or 8 years ago. The very first comic I read was the trade of Batman:
Year One.

Nerdmobile: Who is your favorite superhero? Why?

Kelly: There are a lot of superheroes that I absolutely adore, but I
would have to say that Black Canary (II, ie Dinah Laurel Lance) is my
all-time favorite. I could write an essay or two on why I love her but
I’ll try to spare you all the reading. I love her because her
backstory includes a mother-daughter relationship that is complicated
and not cut-and-dry. Dinah took up her mother’s mantle against Dinah
Sr’s wishes, and so you have both an act of rebellion and following in
her mother’s footsteps in one. In the best comics where Dinah is
featured, this informs her character beautifully. Dinah is also a
character who has a great power (her sonic cry, which can knock people
out, shatter just about anything, etc) but chooses to rely on the
abilities that’s she’s gone out and learned as opposed to simply
relying on the fact that she has a superpower. She was also
essentially ‘fridged’ in that she lost her superpower in a heinous,
violent way and yet instead of ceasing to be a hero, she continued on
and became even stronger for working through that loss and finding
ways to thrive without her superpower. And for all my good intentions,
I’ve still written you a novelette so I’ll leave it at that.

Nerdmobile: What is your must watch show currently?

Kelly: Once Upon a Time is currently my must-watch show. I’m a sucker
for fairytales and especially when they’re told in an interesting way.

Nerdmobile: Do you have a show that you go back to a lot? Rewatch again and again?

Kelly: Buffy and Firefly are two of them. I adore Joss Whedon because he
is always pushing the limits of the genres he works within and he
writes some of the most well-rounded female characters around. Even
today, that’s still something that’s harder to find than well-rounded
male characters.

Nerdmobile: Batman or Superman?

Kelly: I love them both, but for me it will always be Superman. Why? Because he is unabashedly a square. He has his morals and he sticks by them,
in spite of the fact that he has the powers of a god and could simply
pummel people until they had no choice but to see things his way.

Nerdmobile: If you were able to choose a superpower, what would it be? Why?

Kelly: Is the ability to run on no sleep considered a superpower? If so, I
would definitely choose that because there are not enough hours in the
day. Otherwise, I would choose teleportation because I’m impatient and
hate waiting to get places.

Thanks to Kelly for taking the time out of her schedule to chat! I wish her luck in her future ventures and hope she enjoyed the interview as much as I did. I’m still curious as to her favorite villain, but maybe that’s a closely guarded secret for a reason.

Maybe she’s her own favorite villain…

DUN DUN DUN!

Good VS Evil

Today, kids, we talk about games with morality engines. Good VS Evil. The right thing VS being a complete dick. They’ve become quite popular in games, and since their early days, I’ve been very fond of them. Putting in my hands the option to be a good guy or a bad guy, a sinner or a saint, that’s my kind of thing. I get really excited about games that have this particular kind of structure. The more involved it is, the happier I am.

It’s just that, well, I tend to play instinctively. Which means, and here’s something that might just shock you, 99.9% of the time, my character is the bad guy the first go ’round. Even if it just ends up that the morality engine is so involved that I’ve managed to make choices that place me more along the lines of Chaotic Neutral (yeah, I’m that much of a prick), I’m certainly not the Knight In Shining Armor. I’m no Hero.

It kind of surprised me to learn that most of my friends are. Not even just friends, but people I encounter randomly and discuss games with. We that play our characters wickedly because it comes naturally – and it’s way more fun – we are a very small percentage of the world. Very. Fucking. Small.

Most players will go through their first plays of these games with golden hearts and halos that (somebody like me would shove up their asses given the chance) gleam with all the glory of the righteous. They do the noble things, the brave things, sacrificing themselves and/or their loved ones so that it might save an entire race of beings (barf). When the game is complete, then, and only then, will they traipse through the world again, this time choosing the dark side. The majority of players like this will not find these actions easy. You will see them struggle with themselves, even though they’ve made the decision to be bad. Oh, WHY is it that you people cannot see how glorious it is to walk on the other side of the tracks?

There are even some players, a fairly good fraction of those that are good at heart, who cannot – no matter what – bring themselves to play a bad guy. And some that, beyond that, can’t even be mildly morally questionable.

Okay, I will admit. I usually save the “white hat” run through for the very last. I don’t generally have as much fun being nice. I’m not into all that … self sacrifice and putting the good of the whole before the good of myself. I like being reprehensible. I like how the Dark Side alters the way one looks when one uses it too much (KOTOR). It makes me giddy to see that I’ve screwed somebody else over so that I can have an easier life.

But it’s not impossible for me to play through as a good guy. I do it. I do it to see different endings, to see how differently characters will react when you’re not threatening to burn down their village. I do it to see the changes and the subtleties. It’s still fun, just not as much fun. So why can’t those do-gooders see my side of it? Why can’t they just admit that for a little while, it’s kind of interesting and entertaining to be evil? Hm? I think it’s a little biased, really. I can play how you play, but you don’t even want to try it my way?

This is starting to sound a little … naughty, isn’t it.

Some people are surprised when they discover the nature of my gaming. Most, however, not so much. Once you get to know me, you really can’t ignore the fact that it bleeds over into real life. I am who I am. I make it no secret. I don’t lie about it. I laugh when people get hurt. I enjoy tasteless jokes. So my friends? Really not startled when they see my achievements always pop up with the “you won the game as a complete heartless bastard” first. Not surprised when I talk about the dark endings before I talk about the light ones. Not at all taken aback, but highly amused, when I rage quietly about accidentally getting the Light Side ending in Force Unleashed the first time I played it. ACCIDENTALLY GOT IT. SON.OF.A.BITCH. Yes, I’m still angry. I also harbor resentment and grudges, fyi.

All I want you people to do is try to see things my way. That’s all I ask. Is that so much?

Evil. Try it. You might like it.

Upcoming Posts Post

This is just the keyword list that I wrote down to remind me what I need to write about.

Beautiful Katamari
Dante’s Inferno
Good VS Evil
Knight and Day
Kameo
Force Unleashed II
Rango
GI Joe
Prince of Persia
All the games I have left to play
Silent Hill: Homecoming
the physics of explosions in movies
all the guy ritchie
Goth (movie)
Achievements for playing online.
Jes Gistang
All things Vader

They probably won’t appear in this exact order.

But, it’s a dead technology…

In 1992 there was this neato little thing that came out called the Minidisc. Special little players. Special little recordable disks. Everything a technophile might want in a new toy to play with.

Well, I never got one. I can’t say for sure why. Either it was too expensive back then, or something else caught my attention and I needed to have that more. Note that this is during a time when I have to rely on my parents to get me the gadgets I want because I’ve got no income except from babysitting (not even an allowance!) and five bucks an hour doesn’t really add up very quickly.

Let’s cut here to recently. It’s been well over ten years since this magical device was on the shelves of our electronics stores. I am an adult now. I have my own money source. And I no longer need the permission of anybody else to buy the things that I want. Even if they are completely rediculous. An acquaintance of mine informs a group of people on a forum that he’s going to sell or just plain give away a bunch of his old stuff. I note on the list that there’s a minidisc player in there, along with blank discs and a charger.

So I wait like two weeks, stalking the thread, mildly curious as to why nobody’s snatched up that player. It’s only 20 bucks for all of it, I feel I should make that quite clear. It’s not expensive. Oh, yes. It’s a dead technology. Now we’ve got CDs and MP3 players that will hold thousands of hours of music on them, plus videos and whatever the hell else we want to put on them.

The minidisc is – quite bluntly – the retarded cousin of the cd player.

Every once in a while, two things come out. In this case, minidisc and cd. They battle over the populace, each denouncing the other for it’s various faults, and touting it’s own prowess in the music world. But there can only be one. We saw BetaMax go down, we saw LaserDisc flounder and die. It’s not only the truth of history, but also Darwin’s theory of evolution. The fittest one wins. For minidisc? It was the CD. A simple, easy thing that people flocked to, leaving the poor little minidisc in the wakes of it’s glory.

So I finally decide that I’m going to buy this thing. Why the hell not, right? 20 bucks, and it’s something that I used to want really badly. Maybe it’s hearkening back to my younger years. Wanting to remember easier times. Maybe it’s nostalgia. I’m also admittedly lying to myself and saying that I could use it in more “dangerous” or “risky” situations that I don’t want to bring my Zune into. The truth of that that’s held down in the dank depths of my mind is that I likely won’t take it any further than my front door. But shhh. That’s not what’s important.

Cue to two days later. A package comes in the mail. Ho! It is my recent purchase!
A lovely box of deleted disks with a few fresh ones mixed in. The player itself. A Gameboy Color charger that amusingly works for this contraption.

Of course the first thing I do is to search the disks for something on them. One of them does contain some music. It sounds pretty freaking good considering how old this thing is. I figure out how to delete not only individual songs, but also the whole disk. (This was on purpose) I’m pretty amused by the whole thing, and then it comes time to explore the machine more completely.

Ridiculous Point Number One: This thing actually runs on a single regular battery. Oh, I know. This is how it all used to work. You don’t have to tell me. I’m old enough to remember a time before Duracel figured out how to create rechargeable AAs. Back in the stone age where when our tape decks started to run out of juice, everything would start to sound as if it were coming to you from under water. It’s just surprising, that’s all. I don’t think I’ve seen any electronic device with a normal battery case in like five years.

Yes, console controllers do come with them, but there’s that option for the rechargeables, isn’t there? There is. And what do we all do? We go buy the rechargeable pack, because we know in our hearts that using regular batteries is borderline retarded.

Luckily, the thing works if you plug in the A/C adapter. I seriously thought I was plugging it in to recharge a dead cell, not because the thing wasn’t actually holding a BATTERY at all.

Ridiculous Point Number Two: A few minutes of prodding and exploring shows me that there’s no real way to connect this thing to my computer. Everything is on USB these days. And even if it’s not, it’s got some kind of link cable to connect it to your PC and do whatever it is you have to do. But this?

I think I’m missing a cable, maybe. So I send a PM to the seller asking just how on earth I’m supposed to get music onto these blank disks that I’ve got.

Do you know what he tells me? Do you? You have to record the audio onto the discs like you used to do with tapes. Are you all too young to remember that process? You had to play the tape you wanted to record, and hit the record button on the device that you’re recording to. Manually controlling the two items, and making sure that you’ve got it all synced up perfectly, lest there be dead air on your tape. All while, I might add, having to actually listen to the length of the song, because it had to be playing for the second device to record.

whut

So I’m laughing. I’m laughing my ass off. This is so fucking absurd that I can’t help it. I have lived through so many changes in this world, seen so much progress, that I can’t even fathom not just clicking on something and dragging it over to the destination device and have it just instantly be copied there.

Ridiculous Point Number Three: So this is where our determined heroine goes searching over the vast plains of the Interwebnetlands to obtain for herself the magical cord which will connect her computer to her new and slightly creationally deformed device.

Imagine her amazement to discover that she got her minidisc at an astounding price. That these things are still going on Amazon for 50 dollars or more used. USED. That is, out of the box, played with, taken around the world. USED.

Imagine her amazement at the fact that these silly little things are in incredibly high demand, even now! People are still buying and trading these devices like they’re brand new!

Imagine how her mouth hangs agape and her eyes widen to impossible dinner plates as she explores further and further, finding out that somehow, somehow, this product has survived the depths of obscurity and thrives!

No, they’re not making new ones. Nothing is new. Everything is old. And everything is very expensive.

I’m completely dumbfounded here. Before tonight I never would have imagined that this thing still had followers in the world. Actual followers. True believers, if you will. Loyalists. I thought that I wouldn’t find a cord that would work because it’s so dead and gone that it just wouldn’t exist. Now I realize my problem is not that, but finding a frigging cord that I can afford.

As it stands currently, without said cord, my player is rendered a mighty shiny brick, and I suppose I could use the blank disks as pointy Frisbees. But that’s all it’s doing. Not that I mind. The more I discover in this lake of absurdity, the funnier it gets. I have honestly been laughing for hours. Sitting all by myself, looking at this whatnot, laughing. The neighbors might think I’ve gone insane.

Will I ever find a way to make this thing viable for myself? I don’t know. Right now, I’m not worried about it.

I have dived into the pool of the minidisc, and find myself floundering, not because it’s a dead technology, but because it’s a dead technology that’s somehow still alive!

It’s a fucking ZOMBIE TECHNOLOGY.

Upcoming Reviews

I have a backlog of reviews to do, and if I follow my current habit, one of the backlog will get typed up and then I’ll watch three new movies.

So here’s what you have to look forward to:

The Hebrew Hammer
Deadgirl
Fido
Sick
The Forbidden Kingdom
The Goods

Other movies I’ve watched that could get reviews possibly (encouragement may ensure writing):

The Princess Diaries
Sex and Death 101
Shrooms
It’s A Boy Girl Thing
Good Dick
House (Not the television show. NOT THE TELEVISION SHOW)
The Specials

Fable 2: Part 3: A hidden treasure?

So, I haven’t done a whole lot of Fable 2 co-op, but I’ve done some. Admittedly, it wasn’t done with people that I feel comfortable exploring certain aspects of the game with, mostly because it’s depraved and perhaps a little disturbed of me to want to try these things.

Finally, the other day, I got a chance to play co-op with somebody who at least understands my sense of humor, if not revels alongside.

The one experiment I really wanted to try was to see if his male secondary character could be in the room while I had sex with my wife with my female character (note the sexes, please). We both thought that it wouldn’t happen at all.

Well it did.

And not only was he able to be there while the sex happened, but…

HE IMPREGNATED MY WIFE.

PAX, The Long Entry

Thursday we got in to setup a little bit late, because I had some things I needed to get done, and somebody *cough*Andrew*cough* didn’t want to do them earlier in the week, so I had to cram everything into a few short hours.

When we got to the PAX location, Washington State Convention & Trade Center, I finally got a good grasp of how fucking huge everything was going to be. I’d had a vague idea, but you don’t really get the whole story until you see it for yourself.

By the time we got there, a lot of everything was done already. There were just badges to be made, which I did, and some heavy lifting to be done, which Andrew went and did. There was only about three hours of work to be had, so then we went off to dinner.

I realized that I was really glad to have the Ativan.

It was really fun seeing how people looked at us moving as a group through the streets of Downtown Seattle. All dressed in black.

—-

We went in early on Friday because not only do Enforcers get to wander around the Expo Hall before everybody else does, it doesn’t open to the public until 2pm. Which gave us something like five hours to fart around in there and see things before everybody else.

It was a good thing that we did this, because I realized very early on that I was going to need an Ativan. That with as many people that were in there already, there were going to be literally thousands more. And they were going to all be coming through Registration, which is where I was working.

So I took an Ativan. Wandered around some. Found my PAX boyfriend (very cute boy at the Brothers In Arms booth). I also got assaulted by two little… ninja… things… They’re from Ninja Town, which looks like an amusing good time, and I think I’ll have to buy it.

Tried to see Wil Wheaton, but he wasn’t at his booth any of the three times I went by it.

Doing registration was fun. Interesting. I had to take more Ativan as the day went on. Definitely felt the panic rising at some points. I’m thinking I’ll talk to Dr Ball about it, and see about a higher dosage. Since Andrew’s grandfather was on the lowest amount I think is physically possible. It worked pretty well, but I think if I’m going to take this step and actually have my own script, I’m going to really go for the gusto.

Time moved strangely in Reg. We’d get these huge rushes of people, and it’d feel like HOURS had passed, but it’d turn out to only be 45 minutes or so. But with these adding up, it was 9 pm before I knew it.

I hadn’t really expected people to wander on up who had no idea what was going on, but there were several. I got to explain what PAX was, and what there was to see. Funny enough, a lot of people who were there on purpose had no idea that there were different passes.

At the end of the night, we got to hand out wristbands for the concert. Which got us into making people do things for them. Like singing. Or dancing. I got one trio to make a human pyramid. I unfortunately did not take a photo of that. Had some raunchy jokes told. Lots of fun stuff like that.

From Reg I went to catch the ass end of the Exhibitor’s after party. Where everybody who works in the Expo hall gets to run around and play games, drink and eat. I wish I’d gotten to go to the whole thing.

By the end of the day I was feeling overwhelmed, so I sat in the car while Andrew went and hung out with some people. Then home and an attempt at sleep.

So Saturday was a rather interesting day.

Once again, we went in early so that we could wander around some before we were officially on shift. This included walking around the Expo hall some more to see the other side of what was going on, and playing around in Bandland. It also meant going by Wil Wheaton’s booth to try to see him again. And not finding him there again. (It was here that I determined that Wil was purposefully avoiding me)

We then headed to Enforcerland to have a sit and some food before shift as we were both kind of tired and thought that food would be good for us. We could fuel up before hand and perhaps run a little longer without having to stop. There were sticks of beef (meat treats), and some turkey wrap sammiches. Two of the latter were scooped up and consumed.

Five minutes later, somebody else asked what was in the sammiches. These words followed:
“Turkey, tomato, spinach.”

For those of you who are late to the game or haven’t heard from me before, spinach is a key to my downfall. AKA – I’m allergic to it (the other leafy green I’m allergic to is those spikey red ones).

Five minutes after that, I was being wheeled from Enforcerland to the Aid Station, fed Benedryl, and having my BP/Pulse taken a lot. Then the ambulance was called. Unfortunately, the ambulance took 25 minutes to get there after being told to run priority. It’s a good thing I wasn’t dying. Cause I would have been dead.

I did my best to keep things light in the Aid Station and the ambulance. It’s my natural reaction to health crisis, I think. I didn’t notice it myself for a long while, but the more people commented on it when I was in ambulances, or waiting for my appendix to explode, the more I began to notice it. I like to stay away from being too serious or focused on the problem, lest I give myself a panic attack.

At the hospital, I got an IV and some steroids and got put on watch for two hours. I really think that the quick administration of Benedryl helped/saved me. It could have been a lot worse than it was. I had stomach cramps, a very tight and itchy throat, itchy/burning mouth, and one spot on my back that itched like effing fuck. But that’s as bad as it stayed. Nothing closed up, nothing swelled too much. I was lucky.

From there, we waited for Kemper to come get us (no car, Andrew rode in the ambulance with me), and then back to PAX and the black. Reg didn’t need me when I got there, there was nobody in line and six of them behind the counter, so I floated around and did what I could where I could until the NC Interactive party.

The party itself was fun. It was invite-only. Even had to have tickets to get in. They raffled off some really cool stuff (did not win), and gave us free play cards. We got a lot of swag and I used most of my card to try to retrieve a Pooh from the claw machine and failed epically.

From there it was back to PAX, and then the MC Frontalot concert. Jonathan Coulton was there too, and even got on stage for a song. We were backstage for that, got to be cool people and hang out on Sumos. Met Coulton. Told him I’d let him slide this time when it came to photos because I didn’t want to blind him. He told me thank you, and he wouldn’t tell anybody because he knew it would ruin my rep that I’d been nice.

Then it was food, and off to a party.

The party was supposed to be small. Just a few people. And there were when we got there. A few people hanging out, playing games, drinking a little. It was nice. Frontalot showed up, and I even rode in an elevator with him, but by that time I was in the middle of a panic attack and didn’t care. It really did start out with like 20 people, then a whole fuckload more showed up and it got out of hand for me. Mostly because I had been expecting a very small crowd, also because I was completely out of Ativan and couldn’t take another to lower the panic rising in my gut. I ended up cornering myself behind the bar, which was okay for a while. Had everybody else on one side of the bar, me on the other. Safely far away. Then somebody who was too drunk for anybody’s good decided hitting on me would be a good idea. The hitting on in and of itself wasn’t horrible, I mean, not attracted to the guy, but I can take that. What I couldn’t take was the fact that I was in a corner, and he stood in front of me, towered over me, and put his hand on the wall to block all exit. He was nearly twice my size and stood way too close.

That’s when I had it. I fled.

SUNDAY – Sunday I decided that I was going to take the morning off (I wasn’t scheduled to Enforce, but could have gone and seen where they needed me if at all), so I thought a good way to show that I’m not working would be to go dressed all steampunky. I had put the outfit together Saturday night when we got home, and finished working on it Sunday morning. It’s not perfect, but I think it has potential. Also didn’t get very good photos of the whole thing.

We got there, wandered around some. Went to Bandland. FOUND WIL WHEATON! When he finally had a moment, I discussed with him his avoidance of me. Which he admitted to. Then I confronted him about slipping spinach into my sammich in order to have free roam of the building without risk of running into me. He said “I can neither confirm nor deny these accusations.” Bwaha.

I wandered around Expo hall some more, had my picture taken by random people, then started to head out again. One of the cops from the day before wandered over and asked if I was doing alright. I told him yes.

My throat hurt pretty bad for the rest of the weekend, actually.

About 2:30 I decided it was time to be back in black. Changed out of the steamy clothes, then spent the rest of the day wandering and helping where help was needed. And wandering. We went to the Omegathon final round to watch somebody get trounced on Excite Bike VS.

I met a friend’s new beau after almost a whole day of tag, and unfortunately couldn’t stay to chat because it was time to close the whole thing down. It was really amazing to see how fast everybody got things done. We headed into Expo to help them where we could, but by the time any Enforcers got in there, they were 90% done with everything. Seriously. They were that good.

So I grabbed extra swag, talked to a few people. Ended up saving my PAX boyfriend from getting kicked out because he didn’t have a badge (naughty). Then headed to Enforcerland to wait because everything else was pretty heavy lifting.

At the end of the day we ended up with two full bags of pretty neat swag, and one of the Guitar Hero World Tour signs.

I went home, Andrew went to party.

MONDAY There was some clean up during the day that I didn’t attend. And then the Enforcer after party that was once again at Gameworks. The cards they gave us didn’t work on the claw machines, so I was only mildly interested in playing anything. There were a lot of people. But I was able to find a table and sit down with Sugar and Sniperwolf, then Scoots joined us. For the rest of the night it was the Table of Snark.

The party lasted until close. I tried to drink a little, but it turned out that I still had quite a bit of vicodin, temazepam and muscle relaxers in my system, and got about 1/5 through the drink before it started hitting me pretty hard. I didn’t feel drunk, but I definitely felt not right.

On the way home, Andrew told me that he was really proud of me for doing this. Which is something Sugar also said to me (she’s mildly aware of my issues). It felt nice to hear those words. To have it recognized that this was not at all easy for me to do.

Tuesday was the day of Sensory Deprivation. Like suddenly there was no noise at all in the world. It was also the day of Attempted Recovery.