The Vanguard

I know this was a requested movie. Somebody said that they wanted me to review it, but I can’t think of who it was now.

Whoever you are? I’m sorry. But I couldn’t get any further than about 10 minutes in. It was so very bad. The acting was horrible. The story stopped appealing to me entirely right away, and even the way it looked turned me off.

I’m not a big budget snob, I’ve had plenty of low budget films I’ve enjoyed that look low budget, but there was something about this one I couldn’t tolerate. Maybe because of the other factors. I don’t know.

I tried. I’m so sorry. But I did try.

But obviously I can’t give this a full review.

The guy on the bike also pissed me off for reasons I can’t quite pinpoint.

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I Am Sam – Request

Horrible.

Not in the “this was badly made and I hated it” way. But the “I started crying ten minutes in and I didn’t stop the whole damned time” way.

I don’t think I can ever watch this movie again, even though I know it turns out with a good ending. It’s just so heartbreaking and sad. It’s definitely on my list of movies (along with Boys Don’t Cry) that I’m glad I watched, and I thought it was a really good movie, but it’s just never happening again. Ever.

And really, that’s all I can say about it. This movie broke my heart.

A question of requests

I have a few requests still left over from the last time I asked if anyone had any, and I want those people to know that they’re still going to be watched and written about. The delay came when my cable and internet got cut off about a month before I moved, and I still don’t have my 360 connected. I can watch netflix on my laptop, but I get really squirmy, so I haven’t been doing much of that.

When everything is settled again in Nerd Land, those reviews will happen. I promise.

Black Snake Moan – Request

I suppose this is another one I was sort of mislead on. I couldn’t tell you if it was due to commercials or other people, but I had sort of an entirely different idea of what was going to go on.

Not that this movie was bad, in any way.

In fact, it was incredibly fantastic. I’ve already stated previously how I feel about Samuel L Jackson, but I sort of feel like I need to say it again. The man is a fucking badass. How does he manage to be so awesome ALL THE TIME? No other human being on the planet could possibly withstand the amount of awesome he holds on a constant basis. They would explode.

And I have to say when they did the scenes with him singing, I about had a heart attack. I think I stopped breathing. I was not expecting that at all, and it sort of hits you in the face like a sledge hammer. (hello Peter Gabriel song suddenly going through my head) I could rewatch the storm scene like fifty times without getting sick of it.

It’s a little bit of a brain mess watching Penelope and then Black Snake Moan. But it certainly does a good job of showing what a varied and accomplished actress Christina Ricci is.

Not that I need to say it with such a rave review, but I really really loved this movie. A lot. I need to own this movie, soon.

Deadgirl – Request(ish)

With friends like J.T., who needs prison cellmates?

It’s one thing to be a juvenile delinquent and know your friend is slightly more of a waste than you are, and another entirely to realize your best friend is willing and able to abuse a helpless girl both physically and sexually.

And entirely different thing altogether when that girl is possibly not as alive as she appears to be.

Other than some fairly bad editing and the use of some incredibly Donnie-Darko-esque music, I actually enjoyed watching this movie. Yeah, you are detecting a bit of surprise there. I really didn’t expect to enjoy it at all. A friend said she was pretty disturbed by it, and I like disturbed, so I went for it. Low expectations for everything, guessing that it wouldn’t strike my fancy too much. So yes, I’m a bit taken aback that I actually liked it. The acting was pulled off pretty well, considering that the main players in the flick aren’t real heavy hitters. The slightly slow story isn’t really noticeable because you really want to know what’s going to happen next (she says while mentioning it).

It’s like the most fucked up fairy tale in the entire history of fairy tales. I’m even including all the original ones here. The Grimm’s. The folklore. All of it.

As much as you think you can anticipate the ending, you really can’t. It comes a little bit out of left feild. Then it goes ahead and runs around behind you for a while before popping up again and shouting “BOO!”

The whole movie is pretty weird, but the ending is sort of extra weird. You’re a little disgusted and a little bit horrified, but it’s also sort of sweet. In a really disturbing kind of way.

The prince and hero eventually gets his princess… sort of.

“You’ll enjoy being dead. Deadgirl does.”

Ma Vie En Rose – Request

There are two movies by this title. Both are French. One is a biopic about a singer. This one is about a 7 year old boy who wants to be a 7 year old girl.

I’m starting to notice two things about French films:

1. They’re just a little bit strange, all of them
2. They don’t pull their punches.

The story of this movie may seem like a typical coming-of-age/finding yourself movie, but it isn’t. Not just because there’s some very odd interludes with a doll, either. Though, those are pretty atypical.

They really manage to show the struggle some people have to go through – at any age, really – but especially in childhood. We all tend to think that being a kid is easy, when really it’s the furthest thing from the truth. Being a kid sucks sometimes, a lot. For some people it can be a really confusing and turbulent period of life. It’s hard to make somebody who doesn’t understand that feel that, but this movie really tugs at the heartstrings.

I really like what they did with this film and it’s main character. The whole thing felt truthful, honest. Sometimes this sort of subject matter can come off feeling forced. Contrived. Amazingly, there wasn’t a point where I thought that it was trying to hard.

The ending really pleased me a lot.

Cat’s Eye – Request

Not one portion of this movie’s description rang a bell for me, so you can imagine how dumbfounded I was when I started remembering every single part of it within the first five minutes. I don’t know if I saw it on television, or if it was a rental. I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen it in the last 15 years, but I couldn’t have been too small, because it came out in 1985. So I have no idea when I actually saw it the first time.

It’s not the best thing in the world, but it’s certainly better than Sleepwalkers.

I’m so confused.