Raptr’s new… whatever.

I’m completely serious when I ask – what the hell is with the way that Raptr works now? I am completely befuddled. This makes absolutely no sense to me. There doesn’t seem to be logic there. If there is logic there, I would like to know about it.

Does Raptr get something out of making people download and run a desktop app to get all their achievements run through? Is there some kind of partnership with some company out there? Something hidden within the desktop app itself that counts how many times you use it, thus getting them revenue? Is there some secret benefit to having this desktop app that I’m just not seeing? I would think that having to connect through two different places would make the burden heavier on Raptr, not lighter. And you can’t tell me that people who are using the app immediately dislodged their machines from the web-based account, since I am pretty sure that you can’t do that, just have all the info on the app and not the website. And if it can be done, show me 10 people who have actually done it. That means that the Raptr website and the Raptr app are pulling the information through the aether to display to the world.

I signed up with Raptr to share with people the shit that I’m playing and so that I could see what my friends are playing. I like to compare achievements and some of the people on my Raptr list aren’t on my XBL list, so the only way I have of seeing what they’re up to is Raptr. This may seem a bit stalkery, since I don’t generally play multiplayer games. And maybe it is. I just like to watch, okay?

But now, like half my achievements don’t show up unless I run that stupid app. Or leave it running. Since I don’t do any kind of PC gaming, I see no reason for it to always be on. And I’ve just discovered that there’s not a version of this desktop app for Apple machines.

So if you’re going to force people to use this app in order to see all of their achievements, and so their friends can see all of them, why don’t you have something compatible with MacBooks or whatever? How does that make sense? These people literally cannot have their correct information displayed on their profiles because there is no way for them to do it unless they want to manually input all of the details themselves. And who the fuck wants to do that? Nobody.

Seriously.

Nobody.

I would like a very clear, very descriptive answer to these questions: Why? What is the point? Where is the benefit? (Not just the benefit to US, but also the benefit for RAPTR.)

Let Me In

I should learn that when I have an instinct about a movie when it’s first talked about, I should trust that instinct and not bend to the ways of the movie industry just because they show me some interesting promos.

I …

I knew going in that I would be upset about Eli. So many things were changed about her that are small, but not really small. They’re important to the character, and they just need to be there.

So my mood going in was curious and angry. It’s not really the best mix. It can lead to some unsettling thoughts while things are going on. But I really wanted to give it a chance, so I sat and watched. All I can say is that I’m really fucking glad a friend got me in to see it for free. If I’d paid for this movie, I’d be a lot more pissed off than I am now.

They kind of just smooshed things together. The girl we were with said she felt like everything dragged on. But to me, it all felt rushed. Like they were trying to just get everything in and didn’t give a shit how it turned out. And they didn’t even GET everything in. So much was just plain left out. There are entire characters that just…they’re gone. They aren’t there. Integral characters. IMPORTANT characters. Entire goddamned points of plot that are out the fucking window.

Let me tell you this, too, I hate – H.A.T.E. who they chose to be Eli. Excuse me, Abby. She did not fit. There’s no universe that she could have been the correct choice in. Then you have the fact that they changed her name from Eli to Abby. Right, okay, so you want to Americanize the names for the retarded Americans. Fine. But at least acknolwedge the importance of her name being Eli.

And how about the fact that she’s NOT REALLY A GIRL AT ALL? Where did that go? That’s kind of important, you stupid fuck director. You know, I liked Cloverfield, but now I’m just so pissed off at you that I want to kick you square in the nuts if I ever meet you. You said you LOVED the original movie. You said you LOVED the book. If that’s true, how could you do this? You ruined it all!

I fully believe that this movie was made just to throw in the extra creepy shots of Abby that were not needed. It’s too bad you couldn’t take a hint from the original makers and learn that less is more in this case. That it’s not about the fact she’s a goddamned fucking vampire, but the personal relationships she builds and what happens to the people around her.

You fuck.

I kept thinking that they were trying to squeeze all this shit in as fast as possible because they were going to add something toward the end that hadn’t been int he original. But no. Nope. They were just… uncaring about the story. Clearly did not give a shit about the timeline. Did not give a damn about the people, which the book and the movie revolve around. Pissed all over Eli and her story. PISSED ON IT.

There were scenes that were remade right from the original movie. Line for line. Movement for movement. Yet you couldn’t be assed to give the characters a little more depth?

You even managed to fuck up the relationship between the bully and his older brother. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? It didn’t need to be that the bully was picked on, because he’s not. His older brother encourages him. They’re friends. They’re both bad seeds. You didn’t need to change that. Why would you change that?

Eli is not a pathetic mewling little priss. She doesn’t require people to like her. Yes, she does like Oskar, but she’s also using him to her own ends. She’s manipulative. She’s over 200 years old, for fuck sake, she’s not going to be sheeplike and make me want to puke all over myself like Abby did. You just ripped Eli apart and used the steamy entrails to create Abby, that’s what you did. All the good stuff is gone, and all that’s left is the shit stained refuse. And Oskar… Owen. Whatever. I felt nothing for him. I felt no triumph when he finally stood up to his bullies. I felt no elation when he finally chose A… wait. You left that out entirely, didn’t you? That gut wrenching choice he makes between Eli and the rest of his life – the way it used to be? You just… threw that right out. Because relationships aren’t important… noooo. Only gore is important.

And you couldn’t even do that right. I refuse to believe you even read the book. Damn it. It describes very clearly what Eli looks like, what she CAN look like, and you followed none of that. None of it! Just made up your own shit and skipped on your merry way down the road to fucking up every tiny detail of this story.

God.

I’m so angry right now.

DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. Even if you haven’t seen the original, even if you haven’t read the book. This movie is not worth your time, or your money. Stay away. Stay far, far away.

Differences

I recently got Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, because I haven’t ever read it. I’ve watched the movie quite a bit. It is, in fact, still one of my favorites. So I thought it was about time to read the book and discover the source of my joy.

The book is really good, don’t get me wrong. It hasn’t changed my opinion of the movie, either, don’t worry. I’m just a little confused on how things became so glaringly different between the two. They’re like two entirely different species of animal. I’d be comfortable in saying that one of them is a bird and the other a mammal of some sort.

I really wasn’t expecting to get an entirely different story. I really really wasn’t. I was excited to see how they got more into depth with certain things, and thought maybe one or two things might be replaced. But the whole freaking story? Damn.

I can’t even tell people to just treat it as two different entities, because it is two different entities and there’s no real way to compare them. I can’t really sit down and make a list of the similarities and differences because… well… it just doesn’t work.

Like I said before, though, I don’t hate either work. I very much enjoyed the book. I love the movie. I’m just a little startled.

S, Darko

This movie is just as bad as I thought it was going to be when I first found out about it.

At least I got to watch Ed Westwick prance around dressed as a greaser. Sadly, this is the only redeeming part.

To clear up misunderstandings I had previously: Frank is not the same Frank. Yet for some reason, the image of Donnie’s Frank in his Halloween costume, the freaky rabbit, is Sam’s “Dream face”. This brings me right back to the idea that Frank was Donnie’s catalyst and shouldn’t make an appearance in this film at all. I still stand by that.

The guy actually named Frank in this movie is a mechanic and has nothing to do with anything.

Not that any part of this movie made any actual sense. It sort of felt like the writer and/or director of S. Darko didn’t actually understand Donnie Darko, and just took imagery that seemed cool and shoved it into this movie. The entire concept is off.

I hated it. I hated it the whole time. Don’t watch this movie. Run from it. Run screaming. If somebody says you should watch it, punch them in the face and then run. Or set their copy on fire. Either one is fine with me.

L.A. Confidential

How in the sake of fuck did this book get translated into a movie? No no, don’t get me wrong. I adored the book. I like all of his writing. But what rocket scientist did they find to make this into a movie script? It’s just so … freaking… I don’t even know. It’s so complicated and involved.

However it happened, I’ve got the movie on my Netflix queue. I think I’ll move it to the top to ease my curiosity. Plus, apparently it’s got Kevin Spacey in it, and I adore him.

The back of the book has the best way to describe the style of this book: Noir written in shorthand.

I’ve been trying to explain to people how it reads by using the words “razor blades” “quick” and “jagged”. Nobody quite gets what I’m saying though, so I think I’ll resort to the reviewer’s explanation.

By the way, no matter how smart you think you are, the ending will fuck you up.

The Movie To Lull Your Enemies With

There’s this movie that I have in my VHS collection and I don’t like to admit it’s there, but it is. I only have it on VHS because it was a quarter, and I’m pretty sure that nobody is going to bring it to DVD, ever. Not that I’d buy it.

I saw this film for the first time when I was young. I remember having flashes of a black eyed man killing a man who looked exactly like him for a really long time. It was one of those movies that your adult mind believes you probably just made it up because it’s so ridiculously absurd that it couldn’t possibly be real, and nobody but you has seen it anyway. Because NOBODY knows what the hell you’re talking about when you try to describe it. (I had this same issue with The Brave Little Toaster)

When I saw the VHS, it all hit me suddenly. I remembered everything about the movie from that long ago day. Except, of course, where I saw it.

I’m not going to tell you to watch it, because you shouldn’t. It’s a bad movie filled with really bad 80’s cheese and a whole lot of 80’s hair. I can’t say that any part of this movie is good. The whole premise is a badly made amalgum of Lord Of The Rings and space.

I watch it myself only when desperate. When my sleeping medications are in full effect, yet I can’t sleep. When the nights have blurred into weeks, and I just need to shut down. This movie has the uncanny ability to bore me to tears and unconsciousness nearly every time. (Note, I do have to have taken the sleeping pills, or have been up for several days for this tactic to work. Otherwise, I’m just watching a really shitty movie) There’s something special in the way it’s set up, I think. The right blend of soft focus and a hero who smiles at times when he shouldn’t. Complete with a heroine in a billowy white dress running around a seashell-like castle interior while a power hungry “beast” mocks and chases her.

There, I’ve given away the whole plot.

Oh wait. I have to add that the two main characters have arranged to be married so they can become king and queen and help to unite two warring countries. And there’s a cyclops.

I’m pretty sure that this movie was a curse on it’s actors, because not many of them came out as a recognizable and working product of the film industry. One happens to be Liam Neeson. And yes, there will come a day when I will meet Mr Neeson and hand over my copy of Krull to be signed. I hope that he’s aware of what he’s put out into the universe.

Even the mystical weapon in this movie is ridiculous. There’s no way it would function in any way other than cutting off your own hand if you looked at … well, anything. The Glave, it’s called. They talk about it through the entire film like it’s going to save everything, and I suppose it does. But all I can think of when I see it is “Maybe the kings of old kept it hidden so nobody else would lose a finger”.

Viva Pinata: Pocket Paradise OR Holy Hell, Where Did My Life Go?

I am now officially the owner of every version of the Viva Pinata games that exist at this time. I’m actually quite surprised that being in possession of these games, I still find time to breathe and blink.

When I saw the DS version sitting in the bargain bin for 14 dollars, I really couldn’t pass it up. Not since I adore the other games and have actually been wanting this one since it came out.

I did get it thinking that it would be a scaled down version of the 360 games. That it wouldn’t be such a time suck. That I would be able to run through it for a couple minutes and then put it down and read the book I’m currently in the middle of.

WRONG.

It is a miniature version of the game. But not so much. It might be miniature only in the sense that it is physically smaller than the other versions. From all I can tell the tools and menus have been simplified, but it’s just as much an Obsessive-Compulsive’s dream. You micromanage everything, just as you do in the bigger games. You have to do everything just like those other games. EVERYTHING.

I’m so amazed that so much information can go onto such a little tiny thing.

When I opened the manual, which I do more out of looking at pictures than figuring out gameplay (cause it’s just so much easier to do that WHILE playing, in my opinion), I got the impression that there were only a couple of pinata in this game, period. That these were the ones that you were going to work with, these – the most popular for kids.

WRONG.

The ones they talk about in the manual, that I just looked at the pictures of and didn’t read any of the text? Yeah, they’re just the ones that teach you how to do shit. You still have to start from the worms and go up.

It’s absolutely insane. Completely unfathomable.

It’s not right, I tell you.

I have previously stated that I believed the Viva Pinata creators were masking their plot for world domination, and now I have to further emphasize my point. These games are meant to distract us while they just waltz in and sit down in the Seat Of Power and control everything. Cause we’ll just be sitting there, playing our various Pinata games, cursing at the goddamned hippo to just eat the fucking plant and be a resident already to even notice that somebody is hijacking our lives. Not that we’ll care, of course. Because they will continue to supply us with Pinata games to sate our needs.

I for one welcome our new Pinata overlords.

But, it’s a dead technology…

In 1992 there was this neato little thing that came out called the Minidisc. Special little players. Special little recordable disks. Everything a technophile might want in a new toy to play with.

Well, I never got one. I can’t say for sure why. Either it was too expensive back then, or something else caught my attention and I needed to have that more. Note that this is during a time when I have to rely on my parents to get me the gadgets I want because I’ve got no income except from babysitting (not even an allowance!) and five bucks an hour doesn’t really add up very quickly.

Let’s cut here to recently. It’s been well over ten years since this magical device was on the shelves of our electronics stores. I am an adult now. I have my own money source. And I no longer need the permission of anybody else to buy the things that I want. Even if they are completely rediculous. An acquaintance of mine informs a group of people on a forum that he’s going to sell or just plain give away a bunch of his old stuff. I note on the list that there’s a minidisc player in there, along with blank discs and a charger.

So I wait like two weeks, stalking the thread, mildly curious as to why nobody’s snatched up that player. It’s only 20 bucks for all of it, I feel I should make that quite clear. It’s not expensive. Oh, yes. It’s a dead technology. Now we’ve got CDs and MP3 players that will hold thousands of hours of music on them, plus videos and whatever the hell else we want to put on them.

The minidisc is – quite bluntly – the retarded cousin of the cd player.

Every once in a while, two things come out. In this case, minidisc and cd. They battle over the populace, each denouncing the other for it’s various faults, and touting it’s own prowess in the music world. But there can only be one. We saw BetaMax go down, we saw LaserDisc flounder and die. It’s not only the truth of history, but also Darwin’s theory of evolution. The fittest one wins. For minidisc? It was the CD. A simple, easy thing that people flocked to, leaving the poor little minidisc in the wakes of it’s glory.

So I finally decide that I’m going to buy this thing. Why the hell not, right? 20 bucks, and it’s something that I used to want really badly. Maybe it’s hearkening back to my younger years. Wanting to remember easier times. Maybe it’s nostalgia. I’m also admittedly lying to myself and saying that I could use it in more “dangerous” or “risky” situations that I don’t want to bring my Zune into. The truth of that that’s held down in the dank depths of my mind is that I likely won’t take it any further than my front door. But shhh. That’s not what’s important.

Cue to two days later. A package comes in the mail. Ho! It is my recent purchase!
A lovely box of deleted disks with a few fresh ones mixed in. The player itself. A Gameboy Color charger that amusingly works for this contraption.

Of course the first thing I do is to search the disks for something on them. One of them does contain some music. It sounds pretty freaking good considering how old this thing is. I figure out how to delete not only individual songs, but also the whole disk. (This was on purpose) I’m pretty amused by the whole thing, and then it comes time to explore the machine more completely.

Ridiculous Point Number One: This thing actually runs on a single regular battery. Oh, I know. This is how it all used to work. You don’t have to tell me. I’m old enough to remember a time before Duracel figured out how to create rechargeable AAs. Back in the stone age where when our tape decks started to run out of juice, everything would start to sound as if it were coming to you from under water. It’s just surprising, that’s all. I don’t think I’ve seen any electronic device with a normal battery case in like five years.

Yes, console controllers do come with them, but there’s that option for the rechargeables, isn’t there? There is. And what do we all do? We go buy the rechargeable pack, because we know in our hearts that using regular batteries is borderline retarded.

Luckily, the thing works if you plug in the A/C adapter. I seriously thought I was plugging it in to recharge a dead cell, not because the thing wasn’t actually holding a BATTERY at all.

Ridiculous Point Number Two: A few minutes of prodding and exploring shows me that there’s no real way to connect this thing to my computer. Everything is on USB these days. And even if it’s not, it’s got some kind of link cable to connect it to your PC and do whatever it is you have to do. But this?

I think I’m missing a cable, maybe. So I send a PM to the seller asking just how on earth I’m supposed to get music onto these blank disks that I’ve got.

Do you know what he tells me? Do you? You have to record the audio onto the discs like you used to do with tapes. Are you all too young to remember that process? You had to play the tape you wanted to record, and hit the record button on the device that you’re recording to. Manually controlling the two items, and making sure that you’ve got it all synced up perfectly, lest there be dead air on your tape. All while, I might add, having to actually listen to the length of the song, because it had to be playing for the second device to record.

whut

So I’m laughing. I’m laughing my ass off. This is so fucking absurd that I can’t help it. I have lived through so many changes in this world, seen so much progress, that I can’t even fathom not just clicking on something and dragging it over to the destination device and have it just instantly be copied there.

Ridiculous Point Number Three: So this is where our determined heroine goes searching over the vast plains of the Interwebnetlands to obtain for herself the magical cord which will connect her computer to her new and slightly creationally deformed device.

Imagine her amazement to discover that she got her minidisc at an astounding price. That these things are still going on Amazon for 50 dollars or more used. USED. That is, out of the box, played with, taken around the world. USED.

Imagine her amazement at the fact that these silly little things are in incredibly high demand, even now! People are still buying and trading these devices like they’re brand new!

Imagine how her mouth hangs agape and her eyes widen to impossible dinner plates as she explores further and further, finding out that somehow, somehow, this product has survived the depths of obscurity and thrives!

No, they’re not making new ones. Nothing is new. Everything is old. And everything is very expensive.

I’m completely dumbfounded here. Before tonight I never would have imagined that this thing still had followers in the world. Actual followers. True believers, if you will. Loyalists. I thought that I wouldn’t find a cord that would work because it’s so dead and gone that it just wouldn’t exist. Now I realize my problem is not that, but finding a frigging cord that I can afford.

As it stands currently, without said cord, my player is rendered a mighty shiny brick, and I suppose I could use the blank disks as pointy Frisbees. But that’s all it’s doing. Not that I mind. The more I discover in this lake of absurdity, the funnier it gets. I have honestly been laughing for hours. Sitting all by myself, looking at this whatnot, laughing. The neighbors might think I’ve gone insane.

Will I ever find a way to make this thing viable for myself? I don’t know. Right now, I’m not worried about it.

I have dived into the pool of the minidisc, and find myself floundering, not because it’s a dead technology, but because it’s a dead technology that’s somehow still alive!

It’s a fucking ZOMBIE TECHNOLOGY.

World’s Greatest Dad

I hadn’t heard of this one when it popped up on Netflix. But it has Robin Williams in it, and I’m a pretty huge fan of him. So I figured I’d give it a try. The premise seemed pretty interesting. At the very least, I figured, I would be able to say that I saw it.

Gotta tell you, it’s one of the more fucked up movies I’ve seen in a while. Robin Williams plays a guy who is a failed writer, a father and a teacher named Lance. His son’s name is Kyle. Kyle isn’t the best person in the world. In fact, he’s a giant douche.

Kyle doesn’t like music, cause it’s for fags. He doesn’t like movies, because it’s for art fags. He really only likes porn. The more raunchy porn, at that. It’s all he really talks about. He’s a dick to his only friend, Andrew. The only reason I can think that Andrew even keeps hanging around is that he’s got no dad, his mom is a drunk, and most importantly, because he’s got no other friends.

Well, Kyle dies. In a very embarrassing way. His dad makes it look like a suicide, and writes a note for his son. He does this because he doesn’t want his son to be seen in that way. I can understand. It’s horrifying. No matter how much of a cock your kid is, you don’t want him to be found holding his cock when the cops come.

This is sort of where things go nutty. The note gets out, and the entire school reacts positively to it. Suddenly Kyle has hundreds of people who love him. People who detested him when he was alive. Lance uses this to his own ends. Writing a book in his son’s name and using it to break himself into the profession he’s been trying to get into his entire life.

The ending was more than a little easy to see. I sort of wish that because of that they would have gone somewhere entirely different with it. But I think that it’s ultimately the right ending.

I liked it. I think it had to grow on me, but when it was over, I found that I liked it.

Oh, and surprise! Bobcat Goldthwait wrote it.
No shit.

Slipstream – Again

In my last post I wrote out the words “I can’t believe I’m not even on cold medicine yet.” The key word there being yet. When it kicked in, I had to stop this movie, because… well. Many reasons. You don’t really need to be high in any way to feel like Anthony Hopkins is fucking with your head, and it also became slightly confusing to my eyes, so many flashing scenes, it was hard for my eyes to focus.

There are three main pieces of advice I feel the need to give out here before I continue.

1. If you don’t like surrealism, you have no business watching this movie. If you do watch it, being not a fan of the surrealist movement, and discover yourself angered or otherwise unhappy with your viewing time, it’s your own goddamned fault. If you do not like/adamantly hate a particular genre, don’t watch said genre, because you’re not going to enjoy yourself. It’s pretty simple.

2. Do not take cold medicine to watch this movie.

3. Watch it all at once. The experience will be much more fulfilling for you.

I, myself, am a very large fan of surrealism. Of course, I had no idea that’s what I was getting into when I clicked on the play button in Netflix. I mainly did it because I saw the words “Written and directed by Anthony Hopkins”. I’m a very very big fan of his, so I couldn’t really pass it up.

The problem I’m finding with Netflix is that the descriptions don’t really fit or tell you what’s truly going to happen in the movie you’re about to watch. I discovered this huge flaw for the first time (the first time rather glaringly, I should say) when I watched Decent. You know, that one with Rosario Dawson and rape? That was not fully explained in the description. It didn’t even hint at what the ending was going to be like, and I sort of feel like it should have.
In this case, nobody saw fit to mention that there would be heavy surrealism going on. Not that I feel the need to be forewarned about that every time, but it’d be nice to know I should wait to take my cold medication until I’m done with the movie.

I find myself making comparisons to the movie Stay now that I’ve watched all of Slipstream. There are some very clear similarities, though things are done in a different way. Two different stories using similar keys in them.
I really liked Stay, a lot. A lot a lot. I don’t have a good enough vocabulary to fully expound on how much I adore Stay. Naturally I’m having similar feelings to this movie.

I love things that make me think. Really love them. I love things that are fucked up. I love surrealism. I love Anthony Hopkins. There really wasn’t a single part of this movie I didn’t love. Everything was done so beautifully.

Anthony Hopkins has a wonderfully visual mind. You get the impression that he’s extremely intelligent just from any brief TMZ encounter with him, you know that he’s a good actor. But you don’t really get a good look inside of his head. With this movie, I feel like he opens himself up and shows you a glimpse of what he’s capable of. Really capable of. Just a tiny little look that leaves the impression that if he were given the reins of the world, nothing would ever be the same.

One further thing I feel I have to make note of, not that it really has to do with the movie itself or Anthony Hopkins, is the fact that for the past few days, every movie I have decided to watch has had Michael Clark Duncan in it. I’m unsure if this is a Universe Note or what, but it’s been pretty strange.

This movie is definitely not for everyone. I’m not going to tell everyone to rush out and find it as soon as possible as I do with other films. But I am going to say that I enjoyed it 100%, and I would like Anthony Hopkins to do more of this kind of thing.

Please.

Pretty please.

Pretty please with fava beans on top.

Slipstream

Dear Anthony Hopkins,

What the fuck.

Love,
Me

PS – I can’t believe I’m not even on cold medicine yet.

Fear Dot Com

It’s pretty sad when even on muscle relaxers and pain killers a movie isn’t even remotely good. Which was the case for this one.

This really has to be one of the worst movies ever made. Not only that, but it steals a good majority of it’s imagery from The Ring. I don’t know where the rest of it came from, but I find it hard to believe that any of it was an original idea.

The acting in this movie was so bad that even if the script had been good, the whole thing would have still sucked. Lucky for the actors, the scrip was absolute shit. It gives them a small sort of excuse, I suppose, for future projects.

I believe the whole premise of this movie was that this guy is a serial killer and one of his victims wants revenge on him. But I’m not quite sure why she’d be attacking other innocent people. If she’s that upset about her torture and murder, you’d think that she’d feel protective of others, not violent toward them.

This movie was such a colossal failure that I had to watch the ending twice just to try to figure out what it all had to do with anything. I’m betting that Stephen Dorff was really glad his character got killed off, so if anybody gets the ‘brilliant’ idea of making a sequel, he won’t have to have anything to do with it.

Heavy Metal

Sometimes you can’t go back, and sometimes, even if you can, you shouldn’t. You should just hold in your memory the way things were way back when. There should be no attempt to reclaim youth, or fond memories.

Becomes sometimes those memories fall short.

If I ever needed a clear example of that, I could find it easily in Heavy Metal. Some things can stand the test of time, others make you wonder what the hell you were thinking. Heavy Metal kind of makes me sad to have watched it again. When I was younger, I remember I thought this was one of the best things I’d ever seen. I even remember the magazine of the same name.

I have to believe, now that I’m significantly older than the last time I saw this, that the entire purpose to the movie – and magazine – was the boobs. Perhaps the violence, too. Back then, this must have been one of the goriest things ever. Outside of those two things? I suppose the art is okay, despite some of the characters being ridiculously misproportioned. Funny enough, it’s not just the women. At the start there’s this guy running around with a torso twice as big as the rest of his body.

The last chick in the whole story, the so-called badass? She seems to be less of a badass and more of the “ideal woman”. She’s strong. She’s got HUGE breasts. Long flowing hair. She got make-up tips from The Misfits (oh, not the real life band, the all girl band from Jem). She’s dangerous. Also? She never says a single word! That’s right boys, everything you’ve ever wanted in a girl. Can kick your ass, but can’t tell anybody about it. For some unknown reason.

Really, should have left this one in the past. Where it belongs. So destroyed what was once a nice childhood memory. Take my advice, and leave it the hell alone.

Also – extra slow motion in cartoons is ridiculous. It just leaves things feeling sluggish.

Descent – My thoughts as they unfolded while I watched.

Hellooooooo Rosario Dawson!

Er. I … Rosario Daws….erm.

Uh.

Holy shit.

Um.

Fucking jesus christ.
I mean, seriously.
I can’t even… there are no words.
NO WORDS.

Goddamn.

World’s Longest Rape Scene…
And the award goes to!

Good crap, people.
What were you thinking?

I’m damaged for life.

Fable 2: Part 3: A hidden treasure?

So, I haven’t done a whole lot of Fable 2 co-op, but I’ve done some. Admittedly, it wasn’t done with people that I feel comfortable exploring certain aspects of the game with, mostly because it’s depraved and perhaps a little disturbed of me to want to try these things.

Finally, the other day, I got a chance to play co-op with somebody who at least understands my sense of humor, if not revels alongside.

The one experiment I really wanted to try was to see if his male secondary character could be in the room while I had sex with my wife with my female character (note the sexes, please). We both thought that it wouldn’t happen at all.

Well it did.

And not only was he able to be there while the sex happened, but…

HE IMPREGNATED MY WIFE.

Luke

If I hadn’t had a problem with Luke Skywalker from my previous dealings with him, I would definitely have one now. As it stands, I’m starting to wonder how he’s seen as the hero of anything. How he’s the strength or power behind anything.

As I have mentioned, I’m reading Dark Force Rising (and taking so long due to so many distractions I can’t count). Within the pages of this book, I’ve seen Luke be uncertain, shakable, and at times, outright idiotic.

For example – He meets up with Joruus C’baoth for the first time, he has strange feelings about him. Doubts about him. But because C’boath is a master, Luke takes him at his word. Which is really stupid. He knows in his gut that he’s not right in some way, yet it’s all okay, because the guy’s a master (which he’s also not 100% sure about).

Then he starts to wonder if he should trust the training of Yoda and Obi-Wan or trust what C’boath is saying.

It states almost that exact string of words in the book.

I have a HUGE problem with this. WHY would anybody automatically trust some new guy who doesn’t feel right over two people who they knew well who took time to put effort into them?

It seems to me that Luke doesn’t need to be in charge of anything, and certainly nobody from the New Republic should be looking toward him for any help. On anything. Not even what they should have for lunch.

Coincidence?

I have two pictures here.

I don’t think I have to say anything about them to get my point across.

Emperor Palpatine

Pope Benedict XVI

The end.

Not getting it

Tales From Jabba’s Palace has a lot of dealings with the B’omarr monks. They’re a relatively normal looking bunch, until they’ve reached enlightenment. Then they remove their brains from their bodies and put them into jars. Eventually the brains have gained enough power to summon giant spider-like walkers so they can move around their spaces with no problems.

This is not where my issue comes in.

My problem is the fact that the majority of the people who encounter these monks are freaked out about them. They don’t like the idea of disembodied brains. And to go a step further, there are those that the monks take into their order and make into bodiless brain jars. Now, it’s not the idea that they’re being forced into this religious order against their will that terrifies and disturbs these certain members. It’s the losing of the body.

Personally, I think being granted immortality without having to worry about one’s daily bodily restrictions while still holding onto full consciousness and mental capabilities would be freaking fantastic.

I say, sign me up.

It’s that forced part that I wouldn’t be too comfortable with. I don’t particularly like the idea of somebody wandering up to me with brain removing tools on some random day and telling me that it was time for me to become enlightened.

I think that I would rather undergo the process of getting there. Doing what they did. Or becoming enlightened in my own way first. Let me in on the idea that my brain is going to be put into a jar first. I don’t want a surprise brain jar party.

So why are none of the characters in Tales From Jabba’s Palace concerned about this? Maybe for some of them it’s because at that point they’ve got no more choice? But what about the others? What about the ones who have been courted – so to speak – by the B’omarr monks previously? It’s not like they don’t know what the monks want to do. They’re just freaked out about losing their body.

The body really isn’t so great. It breaks. It does disgusting things. It grows old, it dies.
Let it go.
Yeah. I said it.

New Discoveries

Oh shit son!

Leia has three kids.

But Han has four.