Raptr’s new… whatever.

I’m completely serious when I ask – what the hell is with the way that Raptr works now? I am completely befuddled. This makes absolutely no sense to me. There doesn’t seem to be logic there. If there is logic there, I would like to know about it.

Does Raptr get something out of making people download and run a desktop app to get all their achievements run through? Is there some kind of partnership with some company out there? Something hidden within the desktop app itself that counts how many times you use it, thus getting them revenue? Is there some secret benefit to having this desktop app that I’m just not seeing? I would think that having to connect through two different places would make the burden heavier on Raptr, not lighter. And you can’t tell me that people who are using the app immediately dislodged their machines from the web-based account, since I am pretty sure that you can’t do that, just have all the info on the app and not the website. And if it can be done, show me 10 people who have actually done it. That means that the Raptr website and the Raptr app are pulling the information through the aether to display to the world.

I signed up with Raptr to share with people the shit that I’m playing and so that I could see what my friends are playing. I like to compare achievements and some of the people on my Raptr list aren’t on my XBL list, so the only way I have of seeing what they’re up to is Raptr. This may seem a bit stalkery, since I don’t generally play multiplayer games. And maybe it is. I just like to watch, okay?

But now, like half my achievements don’t show up unless I run that stupid app. Or leave it running. Since I don’t do any kind of PC gaming, I see no reason for it to always be on. And I’ve just discovered that there’s not a version of this desktop app for Apple machines.

So if you’re going to force people to use this app in order to see all of their achievements, and so their friends can see all of them, why don’t you have something compatible with MacBooks or whatever? How does that make sense? These people literally cannot have their correct information displayed on their profiles because there is no way for them to do it unless they want to manually input all of the details themselves. And who the fuck wants to do that? Nobody.

Seriously.

Nobody.

I would like a very clear, very descriptive answer to these questions: Why? What is the point? Where is the benefit? (Not just the benefit to US, but also the benefit for RAPTR.)

Advertisements

Let Me In

I should learn that when I have an instinct about a movie when it’s first talked about, I should trust that instinct and not bend to the ways of the movie industry just because they show me some interesting promos.

I …

I knew going in that I would be upset about Eli. So many things were changed about her that are small, but not really small. They’re important to the character, and they just need to be there.

So my mood going in was curious and angry. It’s not really the best mix. It can lead to some unsettling thoughts while things are going on. But I really wanted to give it a chance, so I sat and watched. All I can say is that I’m really fucking glad a friend got me in to see it for free. If I’d paid for this movie, I’d be a lot more pissed off than I am now.

They kind of just smooshed things together. The girl we were with said she felt like everything dragged on. But to me, it all felt rushed. Like they were trying to just get everything in and didn’t give a shit how it turned out. And they didn’t even GET everything in. So much was just plain left out. There are entire characters that just…they’re gone. They aren’t there. Integral characters. IMPORTANT characters. Entire goddamned points of plot that are out the fucking window.

Let me tell you this, too, I hate – H.A.T.E. who they chose to be Eli. Excuse me, Abby. She did not fit. There’s no universe that she could have been the correct choice in. Then you have the fact that they changed her name from Eli to Abby. Right, okay, so you want to Americanize the names for the retarded Americans. Fine. But at least acknolwedge the importance of her name being Eli.

And how about the fact that she’s NOT REALLY A GIRL AT ALL? Where did that go? That’s kind of important, you stupid fuck director. You know, I liked Cloverfield, but now I’m just so pissed off at you that I want to kick you square in the nuts if I ever meet you. You said you LOVED the original movie. You said you LOVED the book. If that’s true, how could you do this? You ruined it all!

I fully believe that this movie was made just to throw in the extra creepy shots of Abby that were not needed. It’s too bad you couldn’t take a hint from the original makers and learn that less is more in this case. That it’s not about the fact she’s a goddamned fucking vampire, but the personal relationships she builds and what happens to the people around her.

You fuck.

I kept thinking that they were trying to squeeze all this shit in as fast as possible because they were going to add something toward the end that hadn’t been int he original. But no. Nope. They were just… uncaring about the story. Clearly did not give a shit about the timeline. Did not give a damn about the people, which the book and the movie revolve around. Pissed all over Eli and her story. PISSED ON IT.

There were scenes that were remade right from the original movie. Line for line. Movement for movement. Yet you couldn’t be assed to give the characters a little more depth?

You even managed to fuck up the relationship between the bully and his older brother. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? It didn’t need to be that the bully was picked on, because he’s not. His older brother encourages him. They’re friends. They’re both bad seeds. You didn’t need to change that. Why would you change that?

Eli is not a pathetic mewling little priss. She doesn’t require people to like her. Yes, she does like Oskar, but she’s also using him to her own ends. She’s manipulative. She’s over 200 years old, for fuck sake, she’s not going to be sheeplike and make me want to puke all over myself like Abby did. You just ripped Eli apart and used the steamy entrails to create Abby, that’s what you did. All the good stuff is gone, and all that’s left is the shit stained refuse. And Oskar… Owen. Whatever. I felt nothing for him. I felt no triumph when he finally stood up to his bullies. I felt no elation when he finally chose A… wait. You left that out entirely, didn’t you? That gut wrenching choice he makes between Eli and the rest of his life – the way it used to be? You just… threw that right out. Because relationships aren’t important… noooo. Only gore is important.

And you couldn’t even do that right. I refuse to believe you even read the book. Damn it. It describes very clearly what Eli looks like, what she CAN look like, and you followed none of that. None of it! Just made up your own shit and skipped on your merry way down the road to fucking up every tiny detail of this story.

God.

I’m so angry right now.

DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. Even if you haven’t seen the original, even if you haven’t read the book. This movie is not worth your time, or your money. Stay away. Stay far, far away.

Differences

I recently got Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, because I haven’t ever read it. I’ve watched the movie quite a bit. It is, in fact, still one of my favorites. So I thought it was about time to read the book and discover the source of my joy.

The book is really good, don’t get me wrong. It hasn’t changed my opinion of the movie, either, don’t worry. I’m just a little confused on how things became so glaringly different between the two. They’re like two entirely different species of animal. I’d be comfortable in saying that one of them is a bird and the other a mammal of some sort.

I really wasn’t expecting to get an entirely different story. I really really wasn’t. I was excited to see how they got more into depth with certain things, and thought maybe one or two things might be replaced. But the whole freaking story? Damn.

I can’t even tell people to just treat it as two different entities, because it is two different entities and there’s no real way to compare them. I can’t really sit down and make a list of the similarities and differences because… well… it just doesn’t work.

Like I said before, though, I don’t hate either work. I very much enjoyed the book. I love the movie. I’m just a little startled.

S, Darko

This movie is just as bad as I thought it was going to be when I first found out about it.

At least I got to watch Ed Westwick prance around dressed as a greaser. Sadly, this is the only redeeming part.

To clear up misunderstandings I had previously: Frank is not the same Frank. Yet for some reason, the image of Donnie’s Frank in his Halloween costume, the freaky rabbit, is Sam’s “Dream face”. This brings me right back to the idea that Frank was Donnie’s catalyst and shouldn’t make an appearance in this film at all. I still stand by that.

The guy actually named Frank in this movie is a mechanic and has nothing to do with anything.

Not that any part of this movie made any actual sense. It sort of felt like the writer and/or director of S. Darko didn’t actually understand Donnie Darko, and just took imagery that seemed cool and shoved it into this movie. The entire concept is off.

I hated it. I hated it the whole time. Don’t watch this movie. Run from it. Run screaming. If somebody says you should watch it, punch them in the face and then run. Or set their copy on fire. Either one is fine with me.

L.A. Confidential

How in the sake of fuck did this book get translated into a movie? No no, don’t get me wrong. I adored the book. I like all of his writing. But what rocket scientist did they find to make this into a movie script? It’s just so … freaking… I don’t even know. It’s so complicated and involved.

However it happened, I’ve got the movie on my Netflix queue. I think I’ll move it to the top to ease my curiosity. Plus, apparently it’s got Kevin Spacey in it, and I adore him.

The back of the book has the best way to describe the style of this book: Noir written in shorthand.

I’ve been trying to explain to people how it reads by using the words “razor blades” “quick” and “jagged”. Nobody quite gets what I’m saying though, so I think I’ll resort to the reviewer’s explanation.

By the way, no matter how smart you think you are, the ending will fuck you up.

The Movie To Lull Your Enemies With

There’s this movie that I have in my VHS collection and I don’t like to admit it’s there, but it is. I only have it on VHS because it was a quarter, and I’m pretty sure that nobody is going to bring it to DVD, ever. Not that I’d buy it.

I saw this film for the first time when I was young. I remember having flashes of a black eyed man killing a man who looked exactly like him for a really long time. It was one of those movies that your adult mind believes you probably just made it up because it’s so ridiculously absurd that it couldn’t possibly be real, and nobody but you has seen it anyway. Because NOBODY knows what the hell you’re talking about when you try to describe it. (I had this same issue with The Brave Little Toaster)

When I saw the VHS, it all hit me suddenly. I remembered everything about the movie from that long ago day. Except, of course, where I saw it.

I’m not going to tell you to watch it, because you shouldn’t. It’s a bad movie filled with really bad 80’s cheese and a whole lot of 80’s hair. I can’t say that any part of this movie is good. The whole premise is a badly made amalgum of Lord Of The Rings and space.

I watch it myself only when desperate. When my sleeping medications are in full effect, yet I can’t sleep. When the nights have blurred into weeks, and I just need to shut down. This movie has the uncanny ability to bore me to tears and unconsciousness nearly every time. (Note, I do have to have taken the sleeping pills, or have been up for several days for this tactic to work. Otherwise, I’m just watching a really shitty movie) There’s something special in the way it’s set up, I think. The right blend of soft focus and a hero who smiles at times when he shouldn’t. Complete with a heroine in a billowy white dress running around a seashell-like castle interior while a power hungry “beast” mocks and chases her.

There, I’ve given away the whole plot.

Oh wait. I have to add that the two main characters have arranged to be married so they can become king and queen and help to unite two warring countries. And there’s a cyclops.

I’m pretty sure that this movie was a curse on it’s actors, because not many of them came out as a recognizable and working product of the film industry. One happens to be Liam Neeson. And yes, there will come a day when I will meet Mr Neeson and hand over my copy of Krull to be signed. I hope that he’s aware of what he’s put out into the universe.

Even the mystical weapon in this movie is ridiculous. There’s no way it would function in any way other than cutting off your own hand if you looked at … well, anything. The Glave, it’s called. They talk about it through the entire film like it’s going to save everything, and I suppose it does. But all I can think of when I see it is “Maybe the kings of old kept it hidden so nobody else would lose a finger”.

Viva Pinata: Pocket Paradise OR Holy Hell, Where Did My Life Go?

I am now officially the owner of every version of the Viva Pinata games that exist at this time. I’m actually quite surprised that being in possession of these games, I still find time to breathe and blink.

When I saw the DS version sitting in the bargain bin for 14 dollars, I really couldn’t pass it up. Not since I adore the other games and have actually been wanting this one since it came out.

I did get it thinking that it would be a scaled down version of the 360 games. That it wouldn’t be such a time suck. That I would be able to run through it for a couple minutes and then put it down and read the book I’m currently in the middle of.

WRONG.

It is a miniature version of the game. But not so much. It might be miniature only in the sense that it is physically smaller than the other versions. From all I can tell the tools and menus have been simplified, but it’s just as much an Obsessive-Compulsive’s dream. You micromanage everything, just as you do in the bigger games. You have to do everything just like those other games. EVERYTHING.

I’m so amazed that so much information can go onto such a little tiny thing.

When I opened the manual, which I do more out of looking at pictures than figuring out gameplay (cause it’s just so much easier to do that WHILE playing, in my opinion), I got the impression that there were only a couple of pinata in this game, period. That these were the ones that you were going to work with, these – the most popular for kids.

WRONG.

The ones they talk about in the manual, that I just looked at the pictures of and didn’t read any of the text? Yeah, they’re just the ones that teach you how to do shit. You still have to start from the worms and go up.

It’s absolutely insane. Completely unfathomable.

It’s not right, I tell you.

I have previously stated that I believed the Viva Pinata creators were masking their plot for world domination, and now I have to further emphasize my point. These games are meant to distract us while they just waltz in and sit down in the Seat Of Power and control everything. Cause we’ll just be sitting there, playing our various Pinata games, cursing at the goddamned hippo to just eat the fucking plant and be a resident already to even notice that somebody is hijacking our lives. Not that we’ll care, of course. Because they will continue to supply us with Pinata games to sate our needs.

I for one welcome our new Pinata overlords.